A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what I should do... I cannot stand doing anything intimate with my husband of 3 weeks?! I met my husband while in Iraq (he was inshape and so nice). We just had a baby and then he wanted to go active army. Since we had a child he couldn't join unless he was married to me..so we went and got married in a church where his immediate family watched it. I've always wanted to get married with a huge ceremony with alll my family there.. now i'm married and feel like I should hide it from my family. He went to work a few days later and hurt his arm, so now he can't go active duty and is at home all the time until its fixed. I can't stand to do anything with him (kissing, touching..nothing!), have sex with him especially. He doesn't look like he used to, and he's extremely violent. I've went through so many fights with him because of his temper! He's even prescribed all kinds of medicines for it.. He throws his ring at me a lot and says he regrets marrying me, chokes me, breaks things, yells loudly, complains about everything, we've gotten in a fight bc he siad pick me or your family... when i feel like i married him to give him what he wants, which was for him to go active...i wasn't ready! But i felt like i couldn't tell him that. He threatens me by saying hes gonna take our son with him and leave me bc he thinks he has control over him now since we're married...for 3 weeks. I just don't know what to do. I'm depressed badly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): its not stopping him from going to iraq, you cant go active army if you are a single parent. and i never said anything about him having sex or not.
A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (19 December 2010):
None of what you're saying makes any sense : why should having a baby out of wedlock stop him going to Iraq ?
Why were none of yr family also 'watching' the wedding ? They must know of his existence if they know of yr baby.
Doesn't excuse violence of course but if he's not getting any sex 3 wks into marriage one can understand him being a bit upset. He can't look that different from when you were having sex.
And I find it difficult to credit he didn't show any of these extremely negative traits prior to 3 weeks ago ? Really ?
Maybe it's worth trying a load of marriage counselling before you totally give up ??
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (19 December 2010):
Its maybe like the USA military. You can't be a single parent in the military. The soldier cannot be sole parent because they would be the primary provider. A sole parent would have to exit the military or give up custody to grandparents.
Three weeks isn't enough time to get a divorce, its called an annulment. You tell the judge the both of you made a mistake and ask him to annul the marriage like it never happened. Not sure how its works there, but you don't need a lawyer here for that and the cost isn't as much as a divorce.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Let your family knows whats going on. Get a restraining order and then get a divorce. Then there is NO WAY any judge would be stupid enough to give him full custody. You have to get a restraining order for you and your son's protection, and go to the divorce court. Dont stay with him
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 December 2010):
 That doesn't make sense why he couldn't join the army? His child still could get health benefits with a proven DNA test.
So you married for all the wrong reasons, so correct this situation with a divorce. You think this guy has mental issues which is most likely due to Iraq, they're not going to get any better with that medication those military doctors prescribed him. He needs psychological therapy on top of that. With all his mental issues, him being active duty, and physical violence towards you (in which I would start taking pictures with your camera phone for proof) the court will grant you custody of the child.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (19 December 2010):
It doesn’t matter why you got married anymore, this guy isn’t for you. Family sticks together. Go let them know what you did so they can stand by you as you undue this horrible mess that you two created. Annull this marriage before you need a divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Get out now! He is going to hurt you and your son!! If he is violent... He won't get your son but you should report things to the police so it is documented!!!
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A
female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (19 December 2010):
Please get out of this relationship. This dude is throwing red flags at you left and right. Violence? Red flag! Marriage before your ready? Red flag! Ultimatums? Red flag!If you don't leave you will spend the rest of your life being depressed and controlled. I know you don't want to be one of those women. He will not change and you need to leave before he does something to hurt you or your son. If you don't want to go at least get him into some counseling and make a back-up plan. Put some money to the side for you and your son.
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