A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25 year old male. I am heterosexual but have never slept or been with a relationship (outside of 'internet' messageboard 'experiments') with any woman. I have never detected any desire from the opposite gender nor have I genuinely desired anyone. I am in good physical and intellectual condition but am not a good looking individual.I have thought of this long and hard when I was in my early 20s and after considerable psychological pain the thought of never having a partner has become a total non-issue. I seem to have little desire for love from another human being now. Mind goes blank, no emotions whenever I 'think' about it. My view, which has developed through a lot of experiments and thinking is that I am too eccentric, disinterested in the other people, and physically unattractive to be desired by almost all women. I cannot, for instance, imagine that I would be desirable in bed (thinking from a female perspective) even though at 25 I am probably at my best physical state. So,This is abnormal of course, but I believe that this is what I have become. It's as if I'm an old man already.I'd like to hear your opinion about my condition. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): You sound pretty full of yourself and consider yourself superior to everyone else. THAT'S what's putting people off, i guarantee you.
If you're not willing to change and accept that a big part of the problem is you, then get used to being alone.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (3 December 2010):
 If you don't want to change get used to being alone. Women don't fall out of the sky and become magically interested in boring egotistical guys with no friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrankly, I don't have any desire to 'change' myself though. I have tried that extensively in the past and I disliked it greatly. I find common interests absolutely inferior. It would be equivalent to lying to myself, a fake. I think I am a very interesting individual, and much more fascinating & sophisticated than the great majority of other humans.
I can't 'love life' because I go through it alone. I don't have any friends or family. I do try to reach out to people, but I find them utterly boring as I seem to be unable to find individuals that are mentally compatitble. Do you see the dilemma?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (2 December 2010):
Okay, well, then you have to change a few things about yourself, whether you like it or not.
Visit a dermatologist and see what s/he can tell you about your scars. They may be fixable.
You have to cultivate an interesting and approachable persona. Develop interests that other people share (sports and TV are good ones) and go places where you can discuss things with other people. Put a personal ad up on someplace like OKCupid and message people. Don't worry about rejection there because rejection happens to everybody. Once you start getting dates, look at each one as a learning experience - even if you and the other person don't get along, you can always take away something from the experience. Always treat your dates with respect even if they prove they are highly undeserving of it.
Pick up a few books to pick up some conversation skills. I suggest You Just Don't Understand and People Skills, both available at Amazon. STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING LIKE "THE GAME" OR BOOKS RELATED TO PICKUP ARTISTRY. Women hate those men.
Learn to love life and reflect that love to the world. People always want to be around someone who is having a good time no matter what your looks are.
Ask your friends for advice too. The people who love you can point out faults you've missed.
It's a long process, but hopefully it will work for you. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not content with being alone as I am the point where I have no happiness or sadness in my life. I am at a blank slate. As for children, companionship, etc. I regard these as possessing value.
I would like (as with almost all human beings) love but my personal views have moved towards the point where I have trained myself not to 'care' for the sake of the present. However, I do like being loved.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
What about having a girlfriend would change your life for the better? I mean, look around the site...relationships are far from a one way ticket to happiness. Is it that you want children, or someone to look after you, or what?
If you're content with being alone, then that's okay. It's not the end of the world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I should be concerned about it as life changes and I should be not only focused on the short term but the long term as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis title is misleading. The moderator must have been confused and made it...this is not really my question.
I am not good looking- I can't change the fact that my facial features are no good and are covered in scars and lesions. Unfortunately, I have an extremely flat nose and an out-of proportion face.
I think one of the reasons why I am never achieved success with connecting with individuals of the opposite gender is the fact that I look permanently 'unhealthy'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): If you want to have sex just go out and get it. Even if you were butt ugly, which you're probably not, you could find a girl for one night. Probably the kinds of people that want a one-night relationship are not the types that will scrutinize too intensely... they are probably less discriminating and many will probably sleep with a variety people, ages, body types etc. Seems to me like in the casual sex department what determines who gets laid with who is often about proximity as much as about looks. Going into a bar, you're liable to find someone who will desire you, much more easily than you think. The point here being, you have to get yourself into that bar, or to that function, or to that event, etc. And trust me, when even old fat ugly men get laid, what's to prevent it from happening to you? Seriously. Think about it. You're being way too hard on yourself.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
As long as you are happy and satisfied with your life, why worry about it?
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