A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have lost the love of my life and I don't know how to get over it. Or over him. I miss him so much it's killing me inside. I'm 32 and stuck in dead end job living in room share. I long to settle down and meet someone but I don't see it happening. Who's gonna want me. I was with a married man (yes I know stupid mistake) for 4 years and I was a mug because he is nasty and evil, but i was under his spell. I couldn't see it and every time hurt me I'd forgive. I met a lovely man through work (before I got fired) who I worked with. He had 2 kids from previous relationship, but the most kindest gorgeous man ever meet. Anyway we started dating few years back and me being an idiot. I kept thinking there was something missing. Now I see there wasn't it was just I was so used to being treated like shit. Also thought him having Kids was issue, when I see now that doesn't matter. So what. Anyway We then become just friends, but I always thought I'd end up with him still... That we'd be married. I loved his family and friends and they loved me too. And mine all loved him. But then the summer just gone. I told him how felt that wanted to properly be together... Guess what he goes cold around the same time. But always been my support and rock and always told me he loves me more then life. Then I find out in sept just gone from him that his met someone and got a girlf. I was gutted. I told him how I felt and that I regretted it all as hid perfect. But too late. The latest is I spoke to him sat and his moving in with her in jan. I just don't know what to do. I'm 32 lonely, with nothing and wish I was dead everyday. I can't find proper job since July when I had quite good job as sales manager, I can't eat or sleep as I worry that I have no future and I'll be alone forever! Stuck with no job, no own home and nothing! But more importantly my heart is literally aching over him. I tried telling him I'm sorry and just how much love him. On sat he was rather sweet and I said call me if ever split up, he said would lol. I've felt physically sick since Saturday and I just don't know how to get him back! I made the biggest mistake of my life. I could of married him, been happy now for life. His kindest most wonderful man ever was. I've tried to get him back. Told him how I feel etc. He said horrible message back. Well cold! Saying "yeah shit happens, stop texting though cos my missus reads them, so cool it yeah, take care" I think it's the term missus. It's so serious... And how I'm in the I've just split with someone stage, and I know technically we haven't been together for a year, but we were still with the I love you's and sleeping together and seeing each other everyday. I stupidly assumed we'd just end up together married! I can't handle this. I miss him so much. I wake up at 5am everyday with the fear, as I realise what I've lost and how I have nothing. How he is now in last year owner of own company and living with woman he loves! I'm so jealous his not with me, it's eating me up inside when I think about him in serious relationship with someone else. I regret it so much. I wish could turn back clock to days when together and I would never pushed him away like I did! He adored me! Thanks for reading. Any advice welcome as how I can get over the regret of losing him and the jealousy his happy for good and settled.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 December 2010):
 You cannot change the past. You are consumed with depression right now and should see a doctor for treatment. Nothing good will happen until you start feeling better about yourself. Depression distorts your view of the world but with treatment you may feel more positive. You made mistakes in the past, but we all make mistakes - just learn from them and don't keep making them in your future. You are still a young woman. You could have a complete career change, move home, meet numerous partners etc but you cannot see that because you are feeling depressed. Don't try to get this man back, he belongs to someone else and the relationship failed originally for some deep reason. He was your comfort blanket in case no-one better came along, but he has gone now and you have to take charge of your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Just brush him out of your life. He isn't good for you. That relationship was all around bad for you. Stop dwelling on the past. Just stop. Everytime you find yourself thinking about him, go for a run or something to take your mind off of it. Stop feeling sad and sorry for yourself. Find a better job, no matter what it takes, make that your focus. Find a place you can afford to live on your own. Do things to make yourself love yourself. Once you truly love yourself you'll realise you don't NEED somebody else, and everything will eventually fall into place. Your relationship with this other person was never going to end well and you just have to accept that. You need to take a deep breath, accept that he isn't yours and that you belong with somebody else, somebody who isn't in your life yet. Start taking steps to move forward and on with your life and things will start to get better. Start with a practical to do list. number 1. Rid yourself of everything to do with this guy, his number, his contact details, his address etc. number 2. Find a better job - update your cv, send it out EVERYWHERE. :) just some ideas. the idea is not to give up. but to move on. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Sorry, I misread your job situation in my earlier reply - thought you had lost job rather than have dead end job. Still same though, too much time to mule over what would have been.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Sorry, I misread your job situation in my earlier reply - thought you had lost job rather than have dead end job. Still same though, too much time to mule over what would have been.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Your life is at a low ebb at the moment. Not having a job means you have nothing to focus on but this relationship which you now think would have given you the life you want. The thing is, when you had this man it wasn't enough for you. Do you think that if he hadn't met someone else you would feel differently. You are eating yourself up with 'what ifs' and because he has made a life with a new partner, everything you thought was a problem with him now seems not a problem at all. It is all a bit of a fantasy. To be blunt, you're not getting him back so I wouldn't make any contact with him. But give yourself a chance. This doesn't mean you won't meet someone else who you'll love and can make a life with. But you need to focus on the future. Its hard in present times to find a job but focus on something, anything, that will move your head out of the 'if onlys' and to making a new start.
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