A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I cannot face intimacy with my husband - kissing, hugging or full blown sex. My husband has been emotionally and physically abusive and I have tolerated it. In addition his family have also been emotionally abusive to me - again which I tolerated and was made to feel guilty about standing up for myself to his family by all of them. Emotional has been more prevalent with isolated physical outbursts over a 10 year period and I am aware through counselling that this has an impact. I am now unable to imagine any intimacy and my husband says he is 'sick of putting up with this' from me. I feel like he does not care about my emotional welfare and would be satisfied if he just got what he wanted sexually. He has been belittling me sexually in the past yet I noticed for a long period of time towards the end of our sexually active time that he lasted 2 minutes, did not care if I orgasmed and just did what he needed to. I wonder if my 'numbness' led him to not bother? My husband is not an unattractive man physically and looks after himself. I feel sad and ashamed that I can no longer feel anything sexually but I have a wall around me and I have gone on for 2 years now avoiding this problem and not wanting sex. I think this is beyond repair and I could start again and feel sexy again with someone else but I don't know whether I should be trying or just draw the line. I cannot 'act' enjoyment during love making and refuse to - something in me thinks I might as well be a prostitute if I can do that. We have no children and I am at an age where I risk the possibility of never having any if this situation continues (I'm 36). What do i do and how do I decide once and for all?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 October 2008):
I am not surprised that you are feeling this way. After 10 years of physical and emotional abuse I wouldn't want to kiss my man either.
But then I wouldn't have put up with 10 years of it. I would have left.
This is the 21st century. Marriage does not mean you have to put up with this. Leave him and find someone who loves and respects you. Is this really all you think you are worth?
You are still so young. Do you want another 40 years of this? Or do you want to be loved by a man who you love and want to be with and kiss his face off every day.
Leave and start again.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Dear Poster
I wish I could be with you right now to give you a hug and to let you know that it's okay; you are not alone anymore;
I am so sorry for what you have endured. You have my empathy; NOBODY has the right to treat another person abusive;
I can understand that after 10 years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse you must be feeling "numb" towards your husband; It is very sad that you did not get support from his family.Did you get any support from your family? Who have been your support structure until now? You mentioned that you did go for counseling; was that of recent or time gone by?
Did your husband go for counseling with you?
Your husband sounds like a very selfish but aggressive person; your sexual relationship obviously deteriorated over the years due to his behavior and the way he treated you; which I can understand that you have no feelings or desire left.
I cannot tell you what you must do; that is a decision only you can make; it is your life; but I can try and give you advice and assistance.
The abuse have been going on for so long; he treats you with no respect; do you believe that his behavior can change?
Do you think that you want to spend the rest of your life living like this?
Do you realize that you deserve better?
You need somebody that cares for you; somebody that values you and respect you; somebody that is sensitive to also your needs and desires.
Normally I would have suggested counseling for both of you as a couple; but I have a feeling that this will just be wasting more of your time; ten years have been wasted already; NO, I personally think you need to get out; You need to leave this man; start divorce proceedings a.s.a.p and start building a new life and a new future for yourself.
You deserve to find happiness and to meet somebody that you can share your life with and have children with.
Don't delay your the agony; take stock of your circumstances and decide about your future.
The most important person in your life must be you. Love yourself and remember you are worthy of love.
Start your road to freedom and let the past become history; live for today and plan and dream about tomorrow;
Best wishes; you can contact me anytime; keep us updated.
Remember, always try to keep SMILING.
...............................
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