A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with my best friend but she has a boyfriend we have been seeing each other behind his back for the last two years "I know this is wrong" but it seems impossible to break off from it, its been on and off so many times she said she wants to be with me and me only but she loves him and doesn't want to hurt him.He found out about us and we stopped talking for a while because she promised him she would never talk to me again for the sake of there relationship but after about four weeks she made contact again saying she pure missed me and that she would love to see me again but she thinks it would hurt so much and she just cant go a lengthy time without talking to me. She said that she even knows this could ruin her relationship if he found out and that she is confused its unbelievable.I have been trying to move on and get on with my life but have had her in my mind at all times, it hurts because I do love her and don't want to let go and now I am thinking neither does she.What should I do in this situation I do not want to someones option while they are my priority?I Know she doesn't want to just hurt me she does love or care for me but this cant go on like this.Should I have told her that we cant be just friends and she that she should know that which she does but still she continues to talk to me.Should I just tell her how I feel then tell her to back off out my life or make a choice to what she wants? I cant move on with her in my life though I don't want her not to be in my life. Soooooo. ..confused Please help :(
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female
reader, obsticalfree  +, writes (27 August 2009):
If you believe in monogomous relationships than I think you have gotten the best advice and already know it yourself as well. Give the ultimatum stick by it and move on if she chooses him. When you move on she will NOT be your friend anymore she will be someone who was your best friend but it, as you said, will be impossible to move on with her in your life so if she 1. refuses to make a choice or 2 chooses him just move on. If she chooses you , will the guilt of cheating with her impact your future together. Now there is one more option might sound a bit strange but men do it all the time... other than the secrecy she seems to be making you both happy any chance of sharing her with him? Unusual but such relationships do happen .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): If you actually likeher or even love her then you may never be able to be just friends.She needs to be strong and make a decision. For your part you need to le her know how you feel, what you would wish could happen and then let her know that what ever her decision is you will live with it because ultimately you will have to.Your right though put yourself in her bf shoes how would you feel.Its going to be her decision between you guys but you do need to be prepared for both outcomes. What if she chooses him? How will you respond? What if she schooses you, do you want her tobe yours full time?Only you have the answers to these questions but for your sake and hers you should try and decide what you feel before she makes a choice.I hope this helps.
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