A
male
age
51-59,
*effkollman
writes:This is tough without a little history. I met this girl as a friend while online. We talked a few times and I discovered she was from England. I've known her since 2005 and after a couple years talking we starting texting.... taking it slow. On valentines day she called me in 2008 and I freaked out cause I never dreamed of talking. We started MSN chatting and talking everyday for 8 months. We had a day I was going to England to meet this girl. I friggin' loved her to death then and still do now. Things broke down just a month before I was to go. It got to hectic sitting in front of the computer for hours and expensive texting and calling. She says she still loves me but doesnt show it even 20% of what it was. Did she lose hope? I would leave this country to be with her, my job goes anywhere I do. I can't go if she wont talk and sound intrested. She calls me out of the blue just when I think theres nothing left... just to say hi and she loves me. I dont have the couraage to say anything to her... I just reply but dont initiate nothing. Is this a mistake on my part? I know this is an odd story but its real enough to me that I havent dated since LAST May. I still will see her the minute she says "come on." Im really confused as to what she wants. I know she loves me, it's something I learned. She knows I love her like no other. I at least wanted to stand face to face with her before anything went final. Is there any advise to me, I've been patient and I want no more than to go and see her and think it would be amazing. help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): It seems your online girl is getting a tad disgruntled here. And I'm wondering, that perhaps, she is not the one for you. If she was truly interested she would not be keeping you hanging like this. Nor running hot and cold here. She would've been very concerned that you would mistake her behaviors as a lack of interest. But she's not doing this, is she. So you need to drop the 'fears and doubts' you feel here and take a risk, if you want her. You need to tell her your feelings here and hop on the first plane and get your butt over there and officially meet her in real-life. Do it today. That is, if you want her and are serious about this. Listen, in my books, real-life dating is tough enough and it's always conditional, by definition. So online, MSN and telephone dating isn't much of anything except pure 'fantasy', as far as I'm concerned. You need to get over there, go into her world , see how she lives, meet her friends, bond, connect and really, really get to know her as a live 'human being' that you can touch and smell. You have not invested much into this except some 'heartfelt' feelings/expectations, some cash for texts and calls. But you both have never even dated! That is your choice, but remember, dating is a selection process and you don't owe each other, anything. Why? Because you haven't made any hard and fast committment to each other. How can you? You haven't met yet! You know full well, you deserve to have an awesome relationship, so get out there and find it with her or move on. Tell her you are coming to England and see what dates work best for her. How she reacts will tell you, if she's really into you. If she hums and haws, then you will know. But you need to stop this hesitating, based on lack of confidence and fears..it's causing you so much stress and you need to know where you stand. Take the chance and tell her exactly what you want to do. And if she's 'just not that into you' anymore and say 'don't come' ...then at least you will know where you stand and then you can walk away saying, 'you gave it your best shot'. Take care dear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Have you asked her if she wants you to come? Have you been straight forward about it? Or have you jsut sort of hope that she knows that you're waiting for her to invite you. Because surely if you've asked her this, then she doesn't just ignore you or change the subject..
Let me know please!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): she loves you man, tell her you want to be with her one day and that you love her and you both can make it work, then see what she has to say! Tell her you enjoy spending time with her online/phone watever and would like to hold her one day
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