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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have awful body image issues. This is very embarrassing. I have a boyfriend who loves me and I know he watches porn on Redtube. He's told me so. He knows I'm insecure, but he doesn't understand it. Now, I don't nag him about this, but I feel very unattractive. Despite the fact that I know he loves me and that everyone says it's normal and women shouldn't freak out, and despite the fact that they say it's only fantasy, it still makes me feel like sh*t about myself. I've watched it to know what the big deal is but truth be told I can barely watch a couple of minutes before I get this feeling I'll cry and feel terrible about my body 'cause all these women look the same (well, 95% of them) and they look nothing like me. It kills me to think that my boyfriend has fantasies with these women who are much better endowed than me and who have tight abs and legs, etc. I don't understand how he can fantasize about others and not let it affect his attraction to me. I don't understand 'cause I'm not like that. I don't read trashy novels by the way. Help how can I overcome this insecurity/inferiority complex/stupidity of mine? I almost cry when I watch porn, ain't that ridiculous? I could never bring myself to watch it with him because it seriously hurts me even to watch it on my own. I feel like a rotten piece of meat compared to premium steaks watching it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): You feel insecure, you feel unattractive and you keep comparing yourself to other people. That's the main issue here, not really the pornography. How do you deal with normal life around you, do you compare yourself to other pretty girls, do you feel inadequate if they have better bodies than you. Stop comparing yourself with other people, you are beautiful as you are. You are pretty and sexy enough to have a boyfriend who loves you, so there is no way that you can be that bad.
Ask him not to look at pornography around you, and to hide it and make sure you never find him looking at it. You can tell him how badly it hurts you, and this might make him give it up totally.
However I don't think this will solve your insecurities. Men don't really sit and lust over the girls in pornography, most time they are just looking at the sex and then their natural instincts take over. He also doesn't compare you with other girls, you are his woman and you are perfect the way you are. You need to build up your self esteem and confidence, otherwise you will always criticize yourself and the way you are. You are not and will never be the most perfect or prettiest woman in the world, but you can be the most perfect YOU that you can be. Learn how to love yourself and other women won't bother you so much. Love yourself and your own beauty and uniqueness and learn to accept that you are beautiful just being you.
The suggestion of exercise is a great one, try Yoga it will make your body more beautiful and teach you to accept the way you are and give you piles of confidence.
A
female
reader, lianne x  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 also sweetie can i just add- magaizine porn is mostly airbrushed, and have you ever looked at yourself on cam, when you know you look good one minute and look bad the next - well the whole point of porn is ever only to catch the good sides, you never see a 'model' cause thats all she is , looking bad cause the camera person doesnt let that happen! to be honest - you should go for a sexy photo shoot- that will boost ur self confidence sooo much - AND when ur guy is watching porn- you can show him the pics and i think he will be more impressed with what he has right there! Xx
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A
female
reader, lianne x +, writes (25 February 2009):
i know this sounds hard but , in my opinion(thats all it is hunny)the only reason guys like porn is that its fantasy-theres no way in this world that i look like anyting my partner watches-no way- but i feel, at least hes looking at it as a fantasy not what he really wants- i know he loves me - an i know im not that kinda girl, but realistically, if i was that kinda girl- he would still watch it , no matter what - please dont be perplexed by it - its really not as bad as you may think- no matter what you look like- he would still watch it , there have been thinly shaped girls on here asking why there b/f watches larger girls on porn- no matter what ur shape or size, ur guy will actually have a type of porn that suits him.90% of women feel inferior to pron - but thats all it is sweetie - porn - he has you- he holds you- he loves you- thats hte main thing ? xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Even if porn is normal, don't think that you have to accept it, as you already know, you cannot. There are many things in this world that are normal, but it doesn't mean that everyone has to accept it. It's all about solidity of the person's mentality and comfort with oneself.It's difficult to explain to you and people like you or similar to you, why a guy can masturbate to porn and still retain feelings for their loved ones without getting long-winded with information.Ultimately, you have to deal with this with your boyfriend. You cannot overcome this, if you don't already feel comfortable with your own body and if you feel that porn is wrong AND if you cannot look at porn in an objective way. By the way, regardless how you really look like and even though I have no idea what you look like, you are NOT a rotten piece of meat compared to those girls whom you feel are "premium steaks". Think: even without porn, there are tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of women that are fitter, cuter, more feminine than you are. How are you going to deal with that then? Are you going to step on yourself with every individual that is 'better' looking than you?Think twice: how do others deal with it? Why are some women so sure of themselves and don't mind their husbands, boyfriends, lovers to look at porn? Finally, again, ultimately this is about you and not about others. You can:A) Get fitter FOR YOURSELF first and foremost to a level where you are then comfortable of your own looks REGARDLESS of whether your boyfriend looks at porn or not.ORB) Work this out with your boyfriend, make your worries and your insecurities known - truly known. Don't let him brush it aside.and/orC) Work out your own mental instabilities. Find the source of these problems that go beyond just your boyfriend. Look at beautiful women as individuals not related to you. Look at the world and each of the pieces. Remind yourself that sexuality comes in many shades, forms and spectacles. If you conform yourself to one view, then you may need to expand yourself more. orD) Leave him for someone who detests porn. Remember that EVERY INDIVIDUAL on the planet is capable of ANYTHING. Only mental/emotional obligations and obstacles make people believe otherwise.
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