A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just want to know if it's normal to be able to emotionally detach myself from feelings and people like its nothing? I could care about you today, love you or even be IN love with you but tomorrow it could be as if you're a complete stranger. The second I feel like you're not good for me I become so indifferent and you become meaningless. I can't help but feel like it shouldn't be this easy! It literary works like a switch. I can go on with my life as if you never existed. This pertains to men, friends and even family. Does it mean I'm incapable of real feelings, emotions, or love? Help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): To pretend people don't exist is one thing; but to "emotionally detach" is another. It it not an inner-strength to shut people out. It is sometimes symptomatic of a personality disorder; or oncoming depression. This should not be over-looked, if it bothers you enough to make you wonder if you can't love.Please speak to a counselor or someone older in the family that you trust.Whenever you have a problem with a person; don't render other human beings "meaningless." That could lead to insensitivity and callousness. You know that isn't right. That's why you wrote DC. In fact, you do care. Someone must have hurt you somehow.It is better to reach out to people and work things out. People make mistakes. They hurt you and will disappoint you. Becoming a person without feelings for others isn't being strong. It's a defensive action, and could lead to more serious issues.Get some help to work on it.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I can't help but imagine that this site made a mistake in the header of your submittal...... SINCE the behaviour that you described - and attributed to yourself - is CLEARLY "guy" behaviour.....
Have you been drinking beer and watching a lot of football, recently? It could be that you are morphing in to a man!!! If so.... may I be the first to say, "Welcome to our sex...."
Good luck....
P.S. If you will be having SRS surgery, I hope you have good medical coverage....and will not have to depend upon "Obamacare." The operation, as I understand it, is referred to as an "addadictomy".....
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I've done this before with people who hurt me. I pretend they don't exist. It's not really a switching off of feelings. It's more like a burial. It's what you do to keep yourself from feeling pain, anger, sadness, betrayal etc. The way I see it is that these people who hurt me don't deserve to see how much they affected me. I call it inner strength and it's what helps you to survive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): What you are actually describing is shutting down and tuning out. You have been practicing at it, and it isn't really a healthy thing to do. This can lead to anti-social behavior; so it's better to avoid closing people out willfully. If there is something too painful, we have a built-in natural instinct to protect our feelings in order to heal. However; to go to the extremes of not feeling anything for family or someone you claim to love; isn't a good behavior to practice. You should avoid allowing yourself to do that. It isn't automatic as you're claiming, it takes conscious effort.You are capable of love. You may find it hard to forgive.Your way of dealing with pain and disappointment is shutting people out. You will find in the end, that if it becomes a habit; you'll be isolated and people will leave you alone, or avoid you. If you just need time to sort things out and you can't move past things that bother you, you should learn to discuss your feelings. Part of becoming an adult is learning to address whatever someone may have done to cause you pain or discomfort. When you can't do it on your own, you have to seek professional help.I don't think you're reading this behavior correctly. You don't just stop loving people. You hold grudges and your way of punishing people is making them feel unloved or rejected. You push them away. This may have happened to you a few times, and you adopted this behavior from someone else very close to you. Resist doing it, before it works it's way into your personality. You're still very young and yet to discover your feelings and understand your emotions. Most of which are still undergoing development. Being as young as you are, you'll have mood changes, and will feel confused about how you should respond to certain things when you're upset. We go through phases in development between puberty and adulthood that can be so confusing. So don't think you're unable to love.Your indifference is a shield. It's your way of holding power over everyone around you. If this becomes too much of a problem and you can't control it, you may need some counseling. Were you ever physically, verbally, or emotionally abused? That would cause this type of behavior. Do your parents fight a lot around you? Are you bullied?If you're in college, most college and universities have psychological counselors on staff. High schools also have counselors; but they may want parental involvement should they feel there are issues that need professional attention. Don't self-diagnose. You'll get it wrong every-time. It's better to bring health or psychological questions to the attention of a professional. I recommend mentioning this to your parents, if you still live at home. You're aware of it so it may only be a phase at this point. You may need help dealing with some past trauma that hasn't been treated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): don't worry i can to, and some of my friends and family can to. i don't know if this is uesfull or not but just try aking people you know about it you might get an answer from them :]
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 "Switching things off," is not necessarily a bad thing. (Sometimes it helps to protect you from a sometimes cruel and hard world.)
However the key is to keep a balance. Then you will be happier in your relationships.
The first step is that you already realize you are doing this and that it doesn't help your relationships.
The next step is to know that people are all different and not everyone is going to fulfil your criteria. Accept it like this anyway.
This does not mean you should switch them off and act like they are nothing because that can really hurt them.
This does not mean you are incapable of real feelings. You are capable of love.
However you are defensive. This is not bad but ask yourself what is it that you are scared of? Is it related to rejection? abandonment?
It may mean that you need to seek counseling to talk to someone and work out your feelings properly.
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 October 2013):
 It doesn't mean you're incapable of loving someone. However, it's a defense mechanism. It's not that you can switch off your feelings, it's that you hold back even when you're in "on" mode. It's kinda like growing plants in rich soil, but an inch under the surface, there are a bunch of rocks. Your psyche the soil and the plants are your feelings. The rocks are your defense mechanism, and because you're protecting yourself so much, your feelings can't take root and grow really deep and rich. You can end them because defensively, you don't let them get deep enough to hurt you if the friendship or relationship turns out to be bad.
I don't think you're incapable, but I think you've not allowed your ability to feel to be mature. True love goes beyond feelings, especially when it comes to family. You said that you shut out those who are bad for *you*. At its core, your feelings are a self-serving thing. That makes your view of others myopic and shortsighted.
If this is interfering with your life, you could talk to someone close to your life. I can tell you from experience that part of the reason you can do that is because you are a master at deceiving yourself. You may *think* you can shut off people like that, but the psychological damage is still there. It will come back to hurt you if you don't learn ways to heal from relationship trauma.
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