A
female
age
36-40,
*hannon222
writes:This might be long, so thanks for anyone that takes the time. A few months ago my boyfriend of three years and I broke up. He cheated on me, but ended up coming to me and telling me. We talked it out and we decided to try and work on the relationship. We were happy for about a month and then I found out that he saw her again at a party. I flew off the handle and he moved out. I found out later that they didn't plan on meeting there. It was at a friend's house and they were both invited. Now I really miss him and wish I would have found out the whole story before I blew up. I have confessed this to him, but he thinks we should take more time to sort everything out before we try again. Which I am ok with, but I don't know if I should really forgive him. I know I love him. He means the world to me. Even after he pulled this crap, I still feel strongly for him. He swears to me that he doesn't love her. Him cheating sexually on me, I can forgive, but if he has feelings for her, then that hurts me more. And I know that she says she "loves" him because she is still begging him to be with her, or so I hear from others... I'm just afraid that he is fighting his feelings for her, and that's why he doesn't want to be back with me. I know we are still young, and he says that's why we shouldn't jump back into it. He says he needs time to figure out why he did it. But, to me, if he loves me like he says he does, then there shouldn't be a question. He said that he was punishing himself for what he did and he didn't deserve me. Could that be true, or should I just assume that he is lying to me and just wants out of the relationship completely? I suppose I should just back off and if something happens it happens... But he is my best friend. Yes, he made a huge mistake. And I will always feel pain from it. But I see the pain he caused himself also. He's a very emotional guy.If I ask him point blank, he says that he loves me and thinks we can possibly be together again. Should I take that at face value? Or does it seem like he is just wanting to stop everything with me? (By the way I didn't choose the title)
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 July 2010):
Of course you shouldn't go back!
You claim you'd wish you'd waited before blowing up? How many time would you wait? He cheated once, then said he would work it out and then happened to 'be at the same party as her'. And more to the point, he's now saying he 'needs time apart to figure out why he did it' and that 'he doesn't deserve you' and that 'he punishing himself'
What a load of rubbish. Seriously. You know, I always say to women that you can measure a man by his actions, not his words. And that is exactly what you need to do here and now. He says he's punishing himself, that he doesn't deserve you. Yet his actions are that he cheated and least once, perhaps twice and is doing nothing to fix it.
You know what I think? I think he's stringing you along and having a very good time whilst you sit there and feel a bit soft for the fact that 'he caused himself pain'.
If there was ever a set-up, this is it. Cut him out of your life. He'll hurt you again.
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