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female
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*andrapmk
writes: i'm in a very bad condition.I broke up with a person who is married and has a child,he was telling that he loves me and and he will get a divorce, but after he was talking with his relatives,because he doesn't have parents, he said to me that we have to stop because his relatives become angry and he is alone in the world and nobody will say to him its ok to get a divorce.He said if he divorces that he will call me and if i'm alone we can be together again.What to do?
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female
reader, NNmarx  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 I know how You feel, I even ended up telling on him because I couldnt deal with the whole situation and got really upset, I feel better now that he sad he cant ever talk to me again since then...........
Life will be normal again without him, I love myself and dont need a man at all.Give it time and than after Yu will become yourself again.
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female
reader, sandrapmk +, writes (28 August 2006):
sandrapmk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll answers are the same, so my decision is stop, i start today is so so hard, i hope that i'll finish with my big love but troubled relationship. If he really love me, he will chose me, so for now, no contact with him. He has to make decision, if i continue like this he will live double life, so maybe he likes that, i have to know thr true. All were Excellent. Thank you, i was talking only with you, nobody knows about this. Love you all. Yours Sandra
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): everbody are telling me the same STOP. But really exist the love betvine us. But he is scare to lose the daughter. He said that everybody telling him if he devorse because me, he can see his daughter only once a week. He love 2 persons-his daughter and me, how is posible to have those 2 loves. If he devorse without my existing in his life then he will have chance to see his daughter more times in the week.That is long hard way that we have to go together or....not to fight for our love....I want to fight for my love and luck. I believe him
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female
reader, Ferooza +, writes (24 August 2006):
you need to step away from this situation. this man is married and he has a family which you will be responsible for breaking up. there is a child involved here and i suggest that you move on as this man is clearly not going to leave his family and if he does you should just wait for him rather than be the other women.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): This married man has no intentions of being with you,if he did he would be with you by now instead of making empty promises,i understand his situation at home must be hard especially has there is a child involved but at the end of the day married couples break up everyday in this world and it seems as if he is just making excuses up.He has no respect for his wife at all he his a lying decietful man who wants the best of both worlds.Don't allow yourself to be used you ARE worth more than that,you should end it between you both and if he cares and loves you as much has he says he does then he won't lose you will he?If he just crawls back home and plays happy families then you will know that he doesn't care at all and that you were just another notch on his bedpost.How can you possibly believe anything this man says when he is a lying cheat,you deserve to find someone who will treat you with respect and to look after you and you need to find someone of your own not another woman's husband.This guy could actually mean what he says and you both might end up together but if that happened could you honestly trust him?could you put up with him having contact with his ex wife constantly?could you take disapproval of his family?these are the questions that you need to ask yourself.For your own good tell him it's over and find someone else as they say-there are plenty of more fish in the sea.
Best of luck
x
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Like so many posts on this board, it all comes down to self respect and having the self confidence to walk away from a bad situation. Dating a married guy IS a bad situation - why settle for someone else's man? Why be worried about being single...learn to like yourself, love yourself even. Being in a relationship can be great but not when it is a substitute for dealing with the real issues. You fear being left alone and that stems from poor self esteem - you settle for a married man because you don't believe you deserve someone single, uncomplicated who treats you nicely. This married guy has spotted those traits and is using you a great deal - he is a manipulator who plays on your heart strings. Actions speak louder than words...he keeps you dangling rather than leaving his wife to have the best of both worlds. Even if he did leave his wife, he is a cheat...you could never trust him to stay faithful to you. You say you have friends and family - focus on the good things in your life and stop holding onto a 'dream' of a life with a man you can never have.
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female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (22 August 2006):
 I say leave him. It is not fair to leave you hanging like that. Also it is not fair on his wife and child. I think that you should find a nice single man and move on. This guy obviously doesn't care about you that much, does he? Can you really imagine a future with a guy who strays from his family? Imagine the hurt your feeling now and times it by a 100. Do yourself a favour and get out now, enjoy yourself, find someone who will devote themselves to you and only you.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (22 August 2006):
 In reply to your last comment, a year on your own may seem like a long time, but it's not. You can find another man, someone who is free to give his love to you and not married. He only made you superficailly happy as he can't possibly have given you 100%. You keep saying "need", well that's telling because you NEED to stop contacting him. Forget his hugs and forget his promises. Have some self worth and don't have anything to do with him unless he honours his so-called promise...which I doubt he will. So, you made a mistake, everyone does, so DO talk to your friends. They aren't going to say 'well done' but they will help you talk it through if they're real friends. Listen to what they say and think about what you would say if one of them had done the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): I'm glad to hear you want to move on.
I promise you this; you will not feel as bad you do forever and if you follow this advice, I bet you will even feel better quicker than you thought you would.
First, you must tell him that you do not want him to contact you again. If need be, tell him you'll tell his wife if he does. Him contacting you (or visa-versa) will only drag this out and make it worse for you.
Second, delete his phone number, and any text messages, and emails you have from him. Make it impossible for you to contact him, because you will have moments of weakness where all you want to do is hear from him. I don't expect you to delete him right away; it might take a while, but, again, I promise you it will actually feel good once you have.
Third, you need to take each day at a time. It is completely normal to think about him all the time, to dream about him, to wake up in the morning feeling like someone has died, and to feel utterly alone. Accept these thoughts and know that it is entirely normal, but that things will get easier.
Forth, do everything you can to take your mind off thinking about him. See your friends (admit to them you made a mistake; if they are your friends, they will help you move on). Watch films, go out, read, join a club, get in to fitness, do whatever works for you to take your time off just sitting there, getting depressed and thinking about how alone you are; dwelling on him will only make things worse.
Lastly, if you can remove him from your life in the ways I have suggested, you will eventually think about him less and less. Before long, you'll realise you woke up without thinking about him, and then after that, you'll realise that you went a whole day without thinking about him. These are all little signs that you are moving on.
It is normal to blame yourself in situations like this; you're left wondering things like "Why didn't he want to be with me" and "Why wasn't I good enough?" These are critical thoughts about yourself that arn't true. This happened because HE was the one with the faults, not you. When a married guy acts the way he did, it does not mean you are not good enough as a person. With time, you will start to see things more positively. Instead of thinking "why was I not good enough" you'll think "HE wasn't good enough" this is a sign that you have developed self-respect, and self-worth; worth that you are worth far more than being the "other" women. You'll stop blaming yourself, and see this as his mistake, and ultimately his loss.
In response to your last sentence; things are wrong when you get with someone to make yourself happy and complete. A partner is not there for that; you have to feel happy and complete BEFORE you get in to a relationship. Whilst you are single, you can work towards becoming this kind of person. And, once you have reached this point, I can assure you that you will never ever find yourself in this kind of situation again; you will be ready to meet someone you deserve and someone who deserves you.
Stay strong ok? you will get through this. Good luck!
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female
reader, sandrapmk +, writes (22 August 2006):
sandrapmk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you,everything is true that you wrote,i know, but how to put that in my mind and put out that person from my heart. I need to phone him i need to see him, i need hugs from him. But how to stop? I can't talk with my parents, i can't talk with my friends, because they will tell me that i made big mestake. But how to fix this,i was very long time, more then 1 year,alone. He made my life so real and happy
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): Give yourself a good hard smack across the face and wake up to reality women!
You are being fooled by this man, hook line and sinker!
NEVER believe anyone who is married and who refuses to get a divorce to be with you.
NEVER believe any one who promises you love "in the future"; that is nothing other than manipulation.
If he loved you, he would choose to be with you. He clearly hasn't chosen this. Instead, he is giving you a pack of lies.
Let him go and play happy families and you dear concentrate on your own self-confidence and then go and meet a man who is single and who can commit everything to you and you alone.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (22 August 2006):
Stop talking about dying for starters! Life does not have to be all about this man. He has a family and surely you knew this before you got involved? For now you should try to accept that you can't be together until he has sorted out his situation at home. He doesn't have to lose his daughter if he leaves his wife. She can't legally stop him from seeing her. You have to be strong and be independant. Talking of death is very scary and makes me feel you need to be with your friends and family for support. Talk to someone but don't put all faith in this having a quick solution. Good luck and be strong.
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female
reader, sandrapmk +, writes (22 August 2006):
sandrapmk is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni met him few min. ago. He said is very hard to him, the same as i'm now.I only want to die.He said that hope that one day we will be together, he promes me if the hope die in his hear he will tell me.He said: "i promise in my daughter life.and he still love me, he will waiting only the situation in his home to become worst and his wife to live him,because he does't to lose his daughter.what is do?
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female
reader, camille +, writes (22 August 2006):
He's not alone in the worl though is he? He has a wife and a child. What did you expect his realtives to say? There is no way of knowing if he was just playing with you or truly meant what he said. Many married men make the promise they will leave their wives for the mistress. But many men make a promise to their wives.... in fact, that's what marriage is, a committment, a solemn declaration (til death do us part etc....). I'm sorry to say it's a risk you take getting involve with someone who's with someone else. Yes I know couples split up and life does involve meeting other people, having affairs and maybe sometimes getting with that new person, but it's also full of people having sex behind their partners back and getting away with it. A ll I can say right now is, stay away from him until he makes up his mind otherwise he may just be using you.
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