A
female
age
36-40,
*ady B
writes:I broke up with my Ex a few months ago when i ended it. He ended it first but then changed his mind after a few weeks of absence and no phone calls. He said at the time that he was ready to give the relationship another try but the thing is it took him a long time to come to this conclusion and by the time he'd made up his mind i had changed mine.But now that his graduation party is coming up, i can't stop thinking about him and the thought of seeing him with another girl scares me coz i don't think i can handle that. The thing is i never stopped loving him,i only put a stop to our relationship because i didn't think it was working out like it should besides i thought he would atleast make an effort to convince me into being with him again. Personally i don't think he tried very hard.You see, my ex has a problem of refusing to talk things through at that particular time but rather on his own terms and in his own time.
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 well to be honest with something like that you really do have to hear it straight from the horses mouth you know? i think that you need to ask him - not accuse him but calmly tell him that you heard it and your just wondering where it came from, if there is any truth in it then he should respect you enough to tell you wats really goin on. it is strange that no one said it to you from his side so you do need to find out before you jump to any possible conclusions.
A
female
reader, Lady B +, writes (24 July 2007):
Lady B is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear friends,thanks for your advice and as it turned out me and my ex turned up at the same party and we got talking. i was so happy to see him and i guess he was too though he tried to avoid me at first but when i came up to him he was more than hppy to see me, he even offered me a drink and space to stand.after spending some time in his company and friends,i got thinking to how much i still care for him and miss him so i confided in one of his mates when he had wondered off somewhere about how i felt about him(my ex).He told me that he was positive my ex felt the same about me so i waited for him to return and then we got talking and thats when he said he still loved me very much the same so everyone was happy. we never separated after that,we kissed touched and hugged pretty much the whole time & he also reminded me again not to forget to come to his graduation party which was happening the next day sunday. as i left he said that we needed to talk things through and perhaps we would get time to do that then.
Then sunday came for his graduation party and boy was he happy to see me with my family.Since it was his grad,he kept busy but always came to check on me and my family & we even made out at the end of the party when everybody was gone.He asked me if i still loved him and i said obviously or else i wouldn't be there with him but now i've been hit with rumours that he went to some girls family with two of his mates and made a marriage proposal. Apparently not even he has met the girl but someone must have made arrangments between the two or sent the girls picture to him since she still lives in his home country.I am very disturbed at the news and feel like i've been stabbed in the back because i was ready to give this guy my whole life & thouht it was a new beginning to a whole new relationship based on trust.I haven't yet asked him about the allegations bcoz i don't know if its the right thing to do at the moment. I know we've only just got back together but am hurt and just can't believe he'd pretend to love me and yet plane on getting this girl a visa to come and join him in matrimony. If these rumuors where just from someone i didn't know i wouldn't be bothered but the mere fact both our mothers are friends she(my mother) was told by one of their shared friends that it had happened and that his in-laws also attended his graduation party though he never included them or this girl in his speech. infact he made it quite clear that he was officially single.There's not one member of my family that know we actually back on and so i wouldn't say my mum is only saying this to protect me from being hurt agian.What still puzzles me is why keep it a secret and why not tell his mum about it but only after some time? I just don't understand it coz even his mum and sisters saw how close we got on his grad party but none of them mentioned it to me plus why han't his mum told mine coz they almost tell each other everything. It is bad enough that i had to hear this from my mum other than him but the thought of loosing him again is absolutely terrifying.How should i go about it?
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (16 July 2007):
did you break up with him because you wanted him to appreciate you more and realise that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'?? maybe he just wants to give you your space for now and thinks that that is what you need.i dont want to sound cruel in any way but was it a bit selfish to break up with him for the reason i think you did? correct me if im wrong by all means, it's just that you weren't clear about why you broke up with him. on the other hand you could just be thinking that because he is your ex and you did share love and intimacy and thats not something that you can just wipe out of your mind and this is why you could just be having a hard time thinking of him doing the same with others.i think that you should be honest with him about your doubts and tell him you think you still care for him. if its meant to be its meant to be! good luck hun, email me if u wanna talk xxx
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (16 July 2007):
Hey ,You didnt mention the reason you broke up exactly but I think people are somtimes all to eager to throw away potential for a relationship. You mention graduation, i presume from university, I too have just graduated and I know this part of your life is crazy, so many uncertanties! Relationships can just be another source of stress in an already hectic lifestyle.You say he is'nt trying very hard, but didnt you make it clear you'd changed your mind? Perhaps he does'nt want to be clingy or is giving you space.I'd say drop him a line or text, if his feelings before were genuine then they wont change overnight. What have you got to lose eh!
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (16 July 2007):
 you the funny thing is, i think we all us girls wish that our ex will see what he is missing when they finish with us or when we are finally fed up of not getting our resurrance. The fact is the relatiobship broke up for a good reason, and you have to believe that he isn't worth it and the fact he does things in his own terms, sometimes that can be a good thing but in your situation you wanted to sort it out. in my opinion try and get over him you can do some much better and if he dos have another girl with him yes its going to hurt but i know you will get over it as you are better than him. good luck
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