A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hoping people can help here. I broke up with a guy about six months ago. I liked him but felt that the feeling was not mutual so I was wasting my time. He and I have a mutual friend and he moniters my comings and goings through her which I find odd. I like her but am thinking of cutting it clean with her because I need to move on. Why does he still seem to need to be in the know about me and as the memories are best forgotten I want to leave her behind as well. Is this the best course of action or am I being unfairly harsh to her because of this situation.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 In my opinion, Rythm is right: you should tell your friend how you feel about her spying on you. Wizard is also right: what can happen is that she might continue to keep him updated on what you do, only in secret. So, perhaps what you should do is talk to both of them. First, talk to her, and tell her that you don't want her spying to continue. And then talk to him to say that you're trying to move on and won't he please stay away.
If your friend should continue to monitor what you do, then you could cut ties with her, too. But give her the option.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 If you value your friend, then you need just tell her not to update him about you.
Whether she listens or not , it is her choice.
Even if you do not talk to her , she can still go against your wishes and update him about you.
Do not share too much of your personal life to her but you can still keep her as a friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): It seems to me that you have not taken the option of speaking your mind to her about how you feel about her telling him about your comings and goings....have you done this, asked her not to do that and explain to her why?
I think you are being a bit unfair to her, but if you are hurting because she reminds you of him, then you might just try and keep your distance rather than completely dump her...try not telling her everything about your life, pick other subjects to share with her.
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