A
female
age
36-40,
*ulie
writes:I won't go into the whole story its too long to write, but in short I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am trying to get him back.I broke with him through whatsapp as that was our main mode of communication, the tick never turned blue so I do not know if he read the message but I guess the fact he isn't talking to me he read the message because I do not want to believe he was immature to just fade out on me.Anway I have been trying to reach out to him he never responds even to the breakup he never reacted, I have been sending friendly messages not every day but like after every one or two weeks. Its only once that I sent an angry message but I later sent him an apology through a video message. I am just left wondering did this man ever really care for me or could he just be so angry at me/hurt because when I broke up with him I told him I wanted a long term relationship not to be stringed along... I believe he cared about me he would at least respond and say he doesn't want to talk to me or get back together. I would rather he told me than just be quiet.
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female
reader, tulie +, writes (4 August 2015):
tulie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everybody for your useful feedback,I know breaking up through a text is not the best approach but it was my best option then. I honestly did not want to breakup with him but he wasn't the best communicator and was too over reliant on texting for me I felt that we would never resolve anything via texting, so it was either I held things in and be mad at him & unhappy or aired them out and appear to be nagging and needy (he called me pushy once)I told him how I felt about communication, before the breakup we were planning a trip(I was to visit him)the way he responded to some of my messages I realized that he was misunderstanding me and maybe I was misunderstanding him too so I requested we skype because I knew if we talked one on one we would iron out the issues, I waited patiently for the skype call, I would see him online on whatsapp and facebook 10days later I was blowing because I thought to myself if he has time to go on whatsapp and skype why couldn't he spare 5minutes to skype with me and mind you I had just told him about us having better communication so I felt like he wasn't being sensitive knowing my stand and wasn't serious about our relationship so I chose to breakup with him rather than appear nagging and I did tell him why I was breaking up... Yes I know I hurt him and I did apologize later when trying to reach out to him.
Anway I am accepting my loss other than his communication he was a wonderful man, maybe eventually we would have still broken up due to communication but I still stand if he really did care about me in the end he would have at least said something.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (3 August 2015):
 I mean no disrespect to you but ending a relationship with a message or an email is quite cold. Unless the person is violent or a stalker, it is always preferable to at least pick up the phone and tell them goodbye. I would be very upset and hurt if someone just sent me a message stating that they were ending things. I don't care if it is your usual means of communication, it still would have been better to talk on the phone.
Ok, scolding done. The Japanese people as a whole are very closed and keep their emotions/feelings close to their heart. They don't like to show much emotion and will often go to excessive lengths to avoid conflict/confrontation. I know this first hand, I have dated 3 Japanese men and the last one for 14 years who is now my husband.
You ended things and it would appear he took your words at face value. He probably feels that there is absolutely nothing else to say. I seriously doubt that you will hear from him again because in his mind, its over and he doesn't wish to have any sort of an agreement or argument.
Your best course of action is to accept that it is over. And I have to agree with another poster, you ended so now why are you complaining? If someone ended things with me I sure wouldn't be running after them. I'd think things were over and that would be the end of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2015): Have you met him at all?
I guess I am hearing how you would deal with it if he had finished it, but I guess that's you and you can't apply it to anyone else as you don't know how he reacts Iin a break up or how you did it? Either way, you have attempted to reach out and he isn't responding. If I were you I wouldn't keep on knocking at the door, he isn't answering and you are gonna be driven insane awaiting a response, then regretting contacting him again etc etc.
If he wants to contact you now he will him.
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A
female
reader, tulie +, writes (3 August 2015):
tulie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe were in a long distance relationship and we mostly used whatsapp to communicate, so I thought it fitting to use it.There is alot that happened before the breakup occurred, it wasn't heated though. Sometimes I wonder if it was his cultural back ground being Japanese... I understand they don't like conflict and would rather not engage in my case fade away.The thing is he was very caring that the least he would have done is just say something like he isn't ready to talk yet. I would never ignore someone I care about even if they dumped me, unless it was something very serious but even then if they continued trying to get in contact I would just let them know that I don't want to talk or get back together.Anway as hard as it is, I am trying to pick up the pieces.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2015): Hi.
You are too old to dump someone via WhatsApp and then make statements about the dumpee. I wonder ifits indicative of your relationship that you would end it like that, and indicative that he hasn't responded- in regard to how the relationship was.
He is now making it pretty clear he's done, and even if he isn't he isn't going to respond to your attempts to reach out to him.
If there is any milage in this, you have to leave it now. He needs to come to you. You also need to know this is likely a long shot, and assume you won't hear from him further.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (3 August 2015):
Sorry, but what kind of relationship is it when a person does something as important as breaking it off over Whatsapp? Couldn’t you havge met him face to face or even phoned him? With respect, what’s even more unbelievable is that, having ended things in such an impersonal way, you are now whining that he isn’t talking to you and telling you how he feels. Well, you didn’t tell him, you just sent a message. Perhaps he feels like there’s nothing more to say, or perhaps he doesn’t care about you. Your actions suggest you didn’t care that much for him either. You have ended the relationship now, and, whether he is upset with you or simply not bothered about you, he has decided to stop communicating with you. It’s time you stopped messaging him, accepted it’s over and moved on with your life.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 August 2015):
 People who strong others along are selfish, and you would be expecting too much of them to reply with "thank you for you time, I wish you the best." Fact is if he cares enough rather than the benefits he got from you, it would turn into a relationship right?
His silence is a response to you that he accepts the break up and is not fighting for you.
Some people think they deserve better than to be dumped over on social media. Maybe that's why he feels he doesn't owe you a response. What I can tell is that there had been heated emotional exchanges and that's what men want to avoid the most. When there's intense frustration it's a sign that the relationship is going nowhere.
It takes a sophisticated person to deliver a good farewell speech, and you think that would give you a better closure. I think being a ghost is enough closure you need. He has nothing good to say. He can't even bring himself to say you had meant a lot for him. In time you will be able to accept that he never had the sensitivity to care about your feelings and have an adult relationship.
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