A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello all! I dumped my boyfriend just over a week ago i really love him but felt it was the right thing to do! He isnt ready to settle down yet and that is what i wanted! I still really love him and in the time i have been apart from him i have realised that settling down isnt such a big deal anymore as he is worth the wait! I have told him this and he said he still needs time apart he said that he sees me as someone he could marry and be really happy and he said he still loves me! We saw each other yesterday and we were quite couply i.e holding hands and hugging but he wouldnt kiss me! Will he ever want to get back together? how should i act around him so he would want to get back together? I dont understand why he doesnt want to be with someone who he would be happy to marry eventually? How much time apart will he need? thanks for all your help and i will keep you posted!
View related questions:
broke up, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 August 2007):
 Sounds good to me, dont know what others think.
Hope tuesday goes ok.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni saw him again yesterday and there was lots of chemistry between us and we had a great laid back evening he was generally affectionate he hugged me with no prompting and even offered to walk me to my car,i declined but as i walked away he touched the small of my back, doesnt sound like much but it meant something! We have even planned to meet next tuesday for a meal! I dont want to put pressure on him so i said he can choose when we meet again and he said straight away next tuesday after he comes back from reading music festival!It feels really exciting and like we both have a massive crush on each other!He hasnt told me he has thats just the impression i get! As for the no communication thing he has said he doesnt want the chance to miss me and says he still wants to see me! Do you think we have a chance to get back together, part of me thinks he wants a relaxed relationship without rushing things which is maybe how i made him feel! He is a great guy and not the type to say things and not mean them! Do you think we have a chance! thanks! p.s i am 20 and he is 26
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (20 August 2007):
Im not even sure you should avoid talking to be honest. Its not like you hurt each other with betrayal or anything? You're not angry with each other are you? Whats wrong with keeping in touch by txt or calls? All i wouldnt want to do is sleep with him, until its sorted that you are back together. You dont wanna be used just for that. You see a lot of that happening for people on here.
Unless he has said dont keep in touch? I wouldnt get hung up on slapping a no contact ban on. You're adults after all.
Just be prepared for him to not want to get back together & maybe even moving on by meeting someone new. But you were together over 2 years, i would be surprised if he could move on that quick!
Just my 2 penneth worth anyways.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): I hate to pour cold water on this, but its possible that his wanting time apart could mean that he is seriously rethinking the relationship - especially since YOU ended the relationship yourself.As one of the other posters pointed out, you are bound to miss having him around after only a week. You do seem to have mixed feelings about wanting to settle down. You wanted it when you dumped it; now you say its not such a big deal and he's worth waiting for. How do you know your wanting to settle down feeling won't raise its head again soon if you do continue seeing him? You don't.How do you know when, if ever, HE will decide he's ready to get married to you? Again, you don't. Most likely HE doesn't know, himself.Time apart would be a very good idea at this stage. Find other things - fun and useful things - to occupy yourself with and after a month of no contact, see how you feel.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwith regards to not seeing him i find it very hard to not have contact with him, despite being my lover for two and a half years he is also my best friend! Not contacting him makes me worry!
I honestly believe that if we got back together it would be amazing and ha even said that we could get back together now and be really happy, but he needs some time apart and if we do get back together he wants it to be natural not forced! By forced he means putting a time limit on it i.e we will definitely get back together in a month!
I have realised that he is worth the wait, that you should have fun in the present and your future will come easier, worrying about the future just makes the present unbearable! I know i am young but when you have met someone who is this special you can tell that he is the one! He also says we are meant for something!
I dont really understand why he would need time apart when he appears to love me so much! There are no other women involved hes not even thinking about that! Im a bit confused about how to act around him!? thanks for your replies! eeeek this is very long!
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (20 August 2007):
Hi
Keep in touch with him, no pressure on him though & see what happens. What will be will be. I broke up with someone that was a lot younger & i knew he still had a lot of living to do. But i was 33 at the time & had 2 children so it was different for me. It was settling down i wanted to do.
If i was your age & you love him? then i would give it a go. Theres no rush to get all heavy at your age is there.
Just give him a little time. Like the other poster said, he might worry you will dump him again.
Good luck.
C xxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 Hi anonymous. I think that he feels that he can't kiss you because, as he has said -he still loves you, but you rejected him. And as kissing you would make him have stronger feelings for you and as it is, he was hurt when you broke up with him because he had feelings for you, he doesn't want to feel any more hurt than what he's feeling now.
I suggest you ( and I know this will be hard) but tell him that you and him will have no contact for about 2 weeks or so, see whether he really misses you or whether he feels that he can't get back with you after that time. He needs time to decide what's goin on in his head.
I mean, you broke up with him. He doesn't want to go back into that and have you do it again.
You are bound to miss him after a week of breaking up, but are you POSITIVE that these feelings of wanting to settle down won't creep back? Are you sure you want him back? You need time to decide what you want, and so does he.
No offence, but his head will be all oovvver the place. One minute you don't want him, the next you do. You both need time to realise what you want from a relationship. Give it 2 weeks or more and see what you both decide. You may discover that you don't want him back and it was the feeling of just not having someone there, and he may not want you back because he's unsure or where the relationship will go and coz he doesn't want to be hurt again.
Whatever he decides, be prepared for either way.
Take care and good luck.
x
...............................
|
