A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend got a facebook a few months ago, and usually I don't think anything of facebook. He's hardly on it, to be honest.But recently, he added his ex-girlfriend. It made my heart drop when I saw it. It actually made me very uncomfortable because the girl is a HUGE flirt, and I told him how it made me feel. He said she was going through trouble and he was just talking to her. I understand everyone needs a friend to talk to, but why did she have to come to HER ex-boyfriend and my then boyfriend for help? I added her too so she wouldn't try anything funny. But I couldn't deal with it. Days later, I ended the relationship and he was shocked.I apologized to him, because I realize that this may be very trivial and I also realize that I am a bit insecure in myself. Actually, I'm very insecure. I felt very uncomfortable with him talking to her, but realize he's his own person and I cannot force him to do anything. This was a few weeks ago. He has still contacted me every single day since asking if I am ok and if in the future there is a chance of us dating again. I told him maybe, but I don't even think so. I do still talk to him as I don't feel it's right to ignore the guy. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with what he did, but I just didn't feel good anymore.I just don't know if me ending the relationship was right. I actually still have feelings for him and am going through a tough time. It just made me so uncomfortable and still does. Unless I become more secure, I don't think I would be with him again...What do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? How do I stop being so insecure?
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broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, flirt, her ex, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): I talk to my ex when he was going through a some stuff, it was very plutonic, we were done romantically. The truth was I did know him much better than anyone else and there were something he just didn't feel like confiding to other that he did with me.
I know, weird, but that was the deal. Incidentally, we rare talk now. It was just at the time period.
A
female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (21 June 2014):
 Thank God you knew his real nature before marriage. Doesn't the ex have relatives,other friends,counsellors,etc to help her with her emotional problems?
Anyway,thank God he exposed himself by adding her on Facebook. What if he had signed up for another email address and used it to communicate with her? Would you ever know?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): Yeah you did the right thing, and it's not about being insecure because him letting his ex back into his life to be her shoulder to cry on is completely unacceptable.
OP I love my wife more than life and trust her 100%, but part of that trust is not becoming emotionally involved in such a way with exs or other men.
What your ex did was cross a line, and I'd never accept that. My wife wouldn't from me either.
His ex has other friends, if she needs a shoulder to cry on she should turn to them, and your ex should not have been such a sap or wanted to be that for her either.
You keep talking about becoming more secure and acting like this is somehow your issue that you need to fix. It's not.
Not wanting a boyfriend to be so close to an ex is just intelligent, not insecurity.
He had no reason to allow her into his life like that again, especially when his excuse is that she's going through hard times. So fucking what? She has other friends who will help her, she specifically chose him because they have history and that's never innocent, or at least to risky to be completely innocent.
You need to cut him off, OP, of course you still have feelings for him, you let him contact you every day. You need to stop him doing that so you can move on.
One last time, OP, it's okay to not be okay with a partner deciding to suddenly befriend an ex under the excuse that she "needs" someone. I agree with you in the sense that you couldn't force him not to, it would have been utterly wrong of you to give him an ultimatum or some crap too but it's also unacceptable for me for a partner to do that.
I'm not insecure, I just don't see any logical, practical reason for a person to do that as I don't do that kind of stuff and I want a similar partner.
I'm not close to any of my exs, I haven't contacted any of them in years, my wife is similar and that's the relationship we want to have.
You're just the same as us and need a man who is similar too. If you want to know whether people like us are in the minority then read through some of the "my ex is best friend and I can't get a boyfriend/girlfriend because of that" questions we have on site.
Most people don't want a third wheel in their relationship and that's exactly what she'd become.
In my opinion you made the right call, he's not the right guy for you. If he can let an ex worm her way back in then he'll probably have trouble stopping other women doing the same thing. It's time to cut him off now though and go no contact so you can heal, and you know what, OP, remember by letting him continue to message you or trying to stay "friends" makes you that ex that will ruin his next relationship so don't be a hypocrite.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): If he was committed to you, I don't think it was right of him to add his ex-girlfriend to his FB. If he knew how it made you feel and if, in fact, he barely uses FB, he should have deactivated or even unfriended her. I'm pretty old school and feel that it's a disrespect to you and may be a sign of more things to come. The excuses should have been to her for NOT friending her and not to you as to why he did. I'm sorry. If it hurts, it's not right. One thing is to learn how to trust when the relationship is solid and another is for your boyfriend to parade his ex's on FB.
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