A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im so bothered right now, I dont even know where to start. I recently had been dating my girlfriend for one year. I met her at work, I had my eyes set on her the first time I set my eyes on her. Now im not an athletic type of guy and def not no model. I remind myself of a fat george lopez. Im comfortable with myself. I first started out wIth just talking to her. She is blonde, blue eyes, nice trim figure. People thought she was outta my league. I am your modern day Kevin James off the movie hitch. I dont consider myself that nerdy but you get the picture. Anyhow, after being myself we finally went on a date. It took me 3 months for her to finally say yes to me. Well we hit it off great at first. But then there is this other guy. He is a co worker of mine. He admitted to me that he had a thing for her. Remember this because it will come back later on. Well anyhow we were fine and great untill I realized that he had been hanging out with her behind my back. Now I know it shouldnt bother me that much but it did. She txts him till 3 a.m while we were together. They take there lunch breaks together. Now thats not their fault because they come in the same time so their lunch breaks happen to be at the same time. She opens up to him more than me and spends a lot more time in my opinion with him instead of me. Well I told her I loved her, I just dont throw that word around and dont mean it. I asked her one night after we went out if she loved me. She told me not like you do. Im like what? And the only time she wants to go out is when he is there. She never wants to go out when its just me and her. The only time her and I could really speak is after we came home from the bar drunk. She would never open up to me sober, I tried being the nice guy but maybe I turned into a dick by trying to tell her she was not allowed to hang out with him. Ok back to this guy I refered to earlier. After we broke up a week ago she said that she wanted us to be friends. I said ok thinking we could work things out. Well I invited her over to come drink with me and my friends. Guess who showed up? Him. I was so angry, how dare she bring this guy over. I called her a b and other names that id rather not say. Well the next morning she told me at work that she did all of that to make me mad thinking it was going to make her feel better about me breaking up with her. It didnt she cried all day at work. In my head I was thinking thats what she gets. I later de friended the guy and told him, I had asked him to back off from her a long time ago. He told me its my fault that me and my ex broke up and that I was so insecure. He swore to me he didnt like her like that. But as a guy I know when you like someone those feeling never go away. He did not comply. I had to get him the hell outta my life as well. Everytime I see her today shes with him. It is still bothering the hell out of me even now that we are broken up. My question is am I in the wrong for feeling like this? All I wanted and I told her, was that same relationship she had with him. Does that make me a jealous man? In my opinion she had a better relationship with him than me. Here lately all I can do is think about her. When we were together I felt comfortable. I just dont know if I did the rational thing by just breaking up with her like that. I want her back. Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Thank you all for your replies, A lot of you really nailed what ive been thinking this past week. I know I should not of re acted the way I did saturday night. My emotions got the best of me and ALCOHOL does not help. I think they get along better because they are very similar. We are both in different periods in our lives. Im fixing to graduate college, she still has about a year and a half left in school. I was ready to take this relationship to another level. She wasnt. I really do love her. She told me the same thing the last time I spoke to her (a week ago) which in my heart thinks there is something still there. Now the tricky part comes in how to fix this so that both of us stop hurting. She told me she cries her self to sleep and so do I. Help.
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (9 May 2011):
I can understand how you feel, but I can see where you went wrong in this relationship. You seem to be a little too needy and insecure, and this is probably what fucked things up.
It sounds like this girl did overstep the boundaries of what is right. I mean, if she is texting this guy in the middle of the night and she's with you, you're entitled to pick her up on it. But something like "Look, you're free to be friends with whoever you want, but don't you think it's a bit inappropriate to be texting some guy in the middle of the night.. " If she's in to you, she'll see what you're saying. If she's NOT in to you, she's likely to make it a big deal and then it is up to you to decide what to do next, but not getting needy and insecure.
Her inviting this guy and you freaking out. This was such a classic shit test from her. She was testing you to see how confident you are in yourself. If you had been relaxed and cool about it, you would have shown her that you do not feel threatened by other men.
I think you are probably a little bit jealous, I mean, you had the girl.. so unless there is something else at play, it must have been you that changed your behaviour, caused her to lose attraction to you, and then when this other guy is on the scene, you showed yourself to be even less attractive so effectively gave your girlfriend to him.
I think you can learn a few things from this: Have more confidence in yourself. Don't be so afraid that someone is going to leave you for someone else. If you do have these feelings, talk it out with a mate! Don't get insecure and needy with your girlfriend. Remember, you scored a nice looking girl and held a relationship down so you're doing something right. Just remember to keep developing your confidence and you won't make the same mistake again. Is it too late to get this girl back? Maybe not.. but remember, you need to change this around so it's you choosing to be with her, not her choosing to be with you. And never ask a girl if she loves you again, ever!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 As soon as I arrived to " she texts him while we were togethr " I said : ouch. No good. First, that's so rude, if she's on a date with you she is not supposed to text anybody, not even her sister ! Second, .. she was not that into you, - if she had been , she would have been hanging from your lips and would have seen any incoming text or call as a damn nuisance.
You did well to break up. Regardless of the other suitor. She did not love you and appreciate you the way you clearly want and need, so- game over it's the right choice.
As for your feelings now, there is no right or wrong, you feel what you feel. If you want to know if they are logical or rational, no they aren't. She is your ex, why the other guy should back off ? or tell you exactly what he feels for her, it's none of your business. You are broken up- butt out.
Maybe it's normal that you miss her and want her back, but a bit of rational thinking may help. If you'd get her back, what would you get ? A woman that's lukewarm to you, and is attracted to another guy. Not the foundation for a happy relationship.
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