A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymous14
writes:I broke up with my long term boyfriend about 6 months ago because i had completely lost myself in the relationship due to his manipulative ways. I knew he wasn't happy in himself and with these insecurities came bad behaviour which i learnt to accept because i was young and so in love. One minute he was all over me, missing me, loving me but the next he wouldn't text, ring, turning up late, didn't seem to want to spend anytime with me. After 3 and half years it eventually wore me down and i became an emotional mess. Even though i still loved him i knew for my own health i needed us to part ways so we could concentrate on ourselves.Over these 6 months i have regained a sense of self but it is obvious that we still have strong feelings for each other. He has had counselling and confronted his demons and now seems better within himself. He keeps getting in contact and eventually I felt confident enough to see meet up on friendly terms but this meeting turned into strong feelings resurfacing. We wanted to hold hands, kiss, hug etc. It felt normal but i knew i needed to keep my distance because we've hurt each other enough. Even though these couple of meetings have been amazing i realised when i wasn't with him i had major anxiety because ultimately i do not trust him. I've told him we can't talk, text, or see each other anymore because it messes with my head and i don't want him to wait around for me because he deserves to be happy and i don't think i can offer that happiness with the insecurities i have over him but i can't ignore these feelings. He understands and respected my wishes and i haven't heard from him in awhile. He is my first love, i miss him everyday but i don't have a clue how to get over him or even if i want to. Help...any advice??
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broke up, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Hey youre most welcome stay strong and always positive. Keep that head up, learn, and move on!! Best to you always miss.
A
female
reader, Anonymous14 +, writes (4 October 2010):
Anonymous14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your kind words and support. All these answers have given me peace of mind because it is so hard not to feel guilty about the decision i made. I'm just finding it hard to let go especially when i know if i clicked my fingers he would come running and be mine again. I'm letting go of my first love and its heartbreaking but if i want to find myself again i know i need to be strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): You are a smart girl for ur age. Yes, focus on you but at the same time respect him which is what you do. You need to heal big time. Find hobbies, gain more friends, and spend more time with family. I def found myself a bit more when I broke up too with my first gf. Recovering just takes time and requires patience. Oh so much of it too. Be smart...stay away from booze, drugs, and any other crap that may "numb your pain". It will only make it worse. You seem to be on the right track which is terrificly awesome. Keep it up! Once you are comfortable mentally with some things you will then look back on ur relationship with content and most importantly, you will have learned and feel good that you were once together. Some of the things you learn from relationships turn out to be for life. Its part of maturing and I see good signs of it here with you. take each day at a time and feel free to drop me any message. Take care.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 You are doing the right thing and taking care of yourself! Distancing yourself from him is also the best thing to do. Don't talk to him again until you are absolutely certain it wont bother you at all.
The only thing you can do now is treat yourself nicely, and let time work. Time does heal all wounds, and eventually you will get better. So take one day at a time, and continue with your life. Little by little you will not miss him so much. Maybe at first there will be an hour where you don't miss him. Then next a couple of hours. Then one morning you will wake up and he will not be on your mind. And then soon you will go through your whole day without thinking about him.
You know you are over him when the time comes that you can look back at the memory without sadness in your heart.
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A
female
reader, melomat  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 it's always hard to walk away from a long term relationship but if you could walk away at first then keep walking. my husband is like that too and i wish i'd been able to walk away. if you aren't brave enough to walk away forever you will spend the rest of your life miserable or at least a long time anyway it's never easy to leave someone you love but all the same you need to take care of yourself and relationship that leaves you short is something you can do without. find something to do to keep your thoughts away from him and you'll be fine
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Well darling if you cant trust him then there is no point in a relationship as am sure you know its the glue to a happy relationship, fair play to this guy for going to get help though it must have took a lot of courage, are you an insecure person or is there real reasons why you shouldnt trust him? if there isnt maybe you should go and see someone about your insecurites but if you really feel like you will never be able to trust him then its best that all contact ends now, this is hard for a while as am sure you know, and i think we will always care for our first love as they showed us how its like to love and we will always remember this and it is hard to move on from a first love but time is the only healer here, just take time, away as far as possible from your ex go out with friends meet new people, do things you enjoy and one day you will realise that you dont think about your ex much and that you are happy to go out dating again, good luck x
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male
reader, The old Man?  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 You're in a very rough spot right now. It will take time to heal.
You have made some very difficult, yet wise decisions. You are a VERRY strong person!!!!
I realize it sounds so simple for me to say this, but all the while, I know it will be hard for you.
Keep doing what you're doing. Focus on yourself, and try as you may, hang out with friends. In this case, some of the best friends, can be new friends. I'm not saying throw out the old ones, they can be great for you too. But sometimes people who don't know you, or anything about you can be a breath of fresh air. It's a new circle of people and circumstances. You tend less to look back, but rather ahead.
A small word of advice, steer clear of another relationship until you feel mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally confident. Often times a rebound relationship appears out of nowhere, and though it feels so right at first, within a few months, someone decides that this isn't working for them, and someone is getting hurt.
Stay strong, you are on the right track. This is one of those stretches in life that will be miserable and you'll wonder if you'll ever get over it. But in time, you'll look back and see just how much you have learned about yourself and what you want & don't want in a relationship.
Best of luck to you, and that's why we're here...
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