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male
,
*imdmgd
writes: I’ve made a huge mistake. I’m an alcoholic undergoing treatment and am in recovery. I’m attending a 3 month (I attend 3 times per week) program and have made good friends with some of the others also attending. Before I started the program, I was attending the treatment centre weekly and I was re-introduced to an old (female) school acquaintance. I thought nothing, she was just a peer to me. Months went by and I still thought nothing at all. We became pretty good friends. About a month back, 6 or so of us met up to see a movie and I started thinking about asking her out and was wondering if there could ever be something between us. A week or so passed and I asked if she’d like to meet up sometime for a coffee or whatever and she said ‘yeah, ok’ and I started thinking even more that there could be something between us. She asked me if I wanted to go around to the dry house where she lives to watch a world cup football game, which of course, I did. About a week later, I asked if we could organise to meet up and do something. Anyway, the following day, I again went over and we chatted in the garden and watched TV. A couple of days later, we were both in the treatment centre and I explained that what I’d meant, by meeting up, was to go out and do something together. It was then that the penny dropped for her and she realised that I was looking for more than friendship.By thinking that there may be anything more than just friendship, I’ve broken just about every rule going. When she came to the treatment centre, looking for help, there was instantly a trust between all other clients attending. I’ve destroyed that trust. She thinks that I’ve had some hidden agenda all along but, really I haven’t, I don’t think that way. I’ve apologised 2 times but still feel completely awful about the whole thing. What can I do to repair the friendship? I know that there can never be anything more than friendship (probably, not even that now).
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Well actions speak louder...just act like a gentleman and be polite and friendly. That should assuage her doubts and concerns.
A
male
reader, timdmgd +, writes (2 July 2006):
timdmgd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne thing that's bothering me hugely is the fact that she now sees me as some slimy greasy bloke that's gonna start stalking her or something. We both have a few more weeks until the program ends.
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A
male
reader, timdmgd +, writes (1 July 2006):
timdmgd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess then that there is nothing that I can do. Everybody so far has told me that she is over-reacting. I guess that I was trying to see the whole thing from her point of view. I just need to accept the fact that she's being unreasonable & have no further contact outside of the treatment centre. Real shame.
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A
female
reader, carebear  +, writes (1 July 2006):
 dear timdmgd
first of all i would like to congratulate you like the others in the group i too think this female is overreacting. so you like her you have things in common and maybe able to help each other what is her problem? the only thing i can think of is it must be pretty hard to change your habits and she may be finding it more difficult and does not want any distactions as it may lead her to her old way of life, but this has to do with this female not the whole group so try and put this behind you and keep up the programme i wish you well
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A
male
reader, timdmgd +, writes (1 July 2006):
timdmgd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen you enter into the treatment centre environment that I'm referring to and attend group counselling sessions, there is instantly a trust between all of the attendees, that is what I've destroyed. Well, at least the trust between her and myself. Others in the group think that she's over-reacting and feel sorry for me but over the past few days, it's dawned on me, what I've done. Since I stopped drinking at the pub, I have no friends. I'm desperate not to loose this one through my own stupidity.
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A
male
reader, timdmgd +, writes (1 July 2006):
timdmgd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen you enter into the treatment centre environment that I'm referring to and attend group counselling sessions, there is instantly a trust between all of the attendees, that is what I've destroyed. Well, at least the trust between her & myself. Others in the group think that she's over-reacting & feel sorry for me but over the past few days, it's dawned on me, what I've done. Since I stopped drinking at the pub, I have no friends. I'm desperate not to loose this one through my own stupidity.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2006):
I don't see that you did anything wrong. Why can't you ask someone from your group out? How is that a violation of trust? Don't apologise any further. Just be yourself, it really sounds like she's the one with some unresolved issues. Good luck to you.
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