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age
36-40,
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writes: Ok, so here's the deal; my bf and I have been having trust issues since I lied to him about my past. I didn't want to tell him my past, but he pushed so much that I lied, a couple of times, because I really didn't want to tell him (it involved a mutual acquaintance, so my bf would be so upset). My bf also always insisted on not wanting to know my past. This past was 3 years ago, but, still I knew my bf would be so upset if I had told him, because my bf is one impulsive man, and he's also quite resentful. I really wanted to defend my privacy but he insisted so much I finally said no, but I suck at lying so I told him the truth shortly after. This of course pissed him off even more, and this have benn our problems for quite some months already (broken up and made up several times). The problem is, he doesn't trust me. OK, I looked for it, I lied; it's obvious why he doesn't trust me. The problem is he's mad, because now I've told him the truth, but he doesn't believe me and thinks I'm lying, he thinks the truth is actually far worse than it really is! Plus, I find it so draining and useless to fight over things that happened 3 years ago, at the time I didn't even know my bf existed! But he gets upset over the lies and the things I did back then. How can I prove something that happened 3 years ago? Can I mend his broken trust? he says he can trust me again, that it won't happen overnight, but that I have to prove him stuff. How can I prove my story is true if there is no physical proof of what happened 3 years ago? On the other hand, he had stopped speaking to his former crush a while ago (he liked her before me, they reciprocated, God knows why they didn't end up together!). They fought, he started dating me and fell in love. Then they started speaking, then they stopped, etc. She once todl him (while he was already dating me) that she misses him and that they shared such an "incredible love bond", plus invited him over to his house to spend alone time (he didn't go). Apparently they've been talking again, they already hung out for studying last week (a day we argued) and tomorrow they'll have another study session, and he didn't tell me ANY of this until today! He hid it form me! (I know how hypocritycal if I lied...). How can I be less upset? He made "jokes" about cheating on me with her... he was mad at me because of our trust issues at the moment, but still!
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reader, rcn  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Trust is the foundation of any relationship. I wouldn't condone your lying, but see why you did. Impulse, being pressured for an answer. That can prompt us to say the first thing that comes to mine.
First of all your past is your past. He has not right to it. Those are your experiences and memories. He was completely in the wrong by expecting you to reveal your past. It's non of his business. Your relationship began when you started going out, anything before that, who cares.
I do see your boyfriends behavior now, hanging out with a crush, as being a possible threat to your relationship. I'd watch that one, her intentions may turn in to his as well.
I hat to put it this bluntly, but if he keeps say he can't trust, say goodbye to him and find someone who isn't going to act that immature.
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