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female
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anonymous
writes: I was with a guy for nearly 7 years and was so happy with him. We moved in together and things started to change after about a year. I started to notice things about him that i could not stand and i began to feel bored of the routine and the predictable nature of our relationship.I kept having panic attacks in the night thinking about the fact that this was my life forever. Not necessarily cos i didnt want to be with him but because i felt like i had more to experience in my life. Eventually, i told him how i was feeling. we split up and i broke his heart. I told him that i just needed some time on my own. A year has gone by and we are still not back together. I dont know why i split up with him in some ways, cos he is the most perfect person anyone could want. Most of the time i am ok but we have not stopped contact at all. We speak a bit.. text etc and i have been out with him, and slept with him a few times throughout the year. Im too scared to go back to him and our house cos im scared i wil panic again and i cant break his heart again. I felt like i needed time to myself but as it turns out i cant bare the thought of him getting over me and finding someone else cos im scared that i will have lost him forever and im not sure if i made the right choice finishing with him. i know how selfish it sounds but im so confused. why did i finish with him.. am i not in love with him anymore and why cant i move on.. please help. x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bby_gal06 +, writes (28 October 2006):
 hiya
i think you cant get over him becuase you still have feelings for him it might not be love but just a little something like a flame, but also you could just be so used to being with him after so many years that you cant get out or over it.
it was your choice to split up and maybe that could of been the right decision because in every relationship there needs to be excitment or else it falls apart which i think you alredy know.
as for him getting some-one else like i mentioned before becuase you are so used to being with him and because you said he was nice you maybe feel abit jealous that some one else is going to have the happiness that you had but faded away.
maybe you should look for a new fella and see that you can live with out him because there will be new excitment like trying to please each other.
if you have had another sexual partener and this felt right then you dont love him and in time im sure that you will be happy with some one else x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): If you are not in love with him anymore, why not allow him to move on with his life?
You need to set him and yourself free. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): Well it sounds to me like you have cmmitment issues, I know we only think men have "commitment issues" but I'm sure a lot of women do too.
You obviously enjoyed the way your life together was before you moved in with each other.
And then when you had lived together for a while you realised that your life will change, my friend suffers with panic attacks and it sounds to me like you have a classic case.
The good news is that it is quite easily treated, if you speak to your doctor about these attacks he/she should refer you to a specialist.
The bad news is that you may have made a mistake with your boyfriend, but it seems like he is still very much in love with you and you with him too.
I would suggest that you try moving back in but in small portions, for instance try moving back for a couple of days a week and then increse the amount of days that you stay with your boyfriend until you are living there full time.
I wouldnt recommend you do this until you have started to see a panic attack specialist, simply because they will arm you with the techniques that you need to deal with your feelings.
I hope that I have helped you in some way, feel free to contact me at anytime and I will do my best to help further.
Ok so it looks like you can start to look forward to getting back together with your boyfriend but take things slowly and try not to focus on the panicky feelings.
XX
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