A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I'm involved in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I love very, very much.The problem is, it's long distance. A huge distance actually - international. However we're lucky I suppose because we see one another every 2-3 months.Anyway this is a real relationship, I love him, am devoted to him, and he's the same. He's met my friends and family, I've met his - they all understand and respect the relationship.I have issues though. When strangers or people I'm not friends with ask me if I have a boyfriend, instead of saying "yes" I say "it's complicated" and leave it at that. If they probe further and find out it's international, I immediately say something like "I know it's stupid/weird..." or "Yeah, probably won't last but I love him..."I know why I do this. It's a defense mechanism. I bring down the relationship before someone else has a chance to. I'm so afraid of what other people think. I insult my own relationship just so the other person doesn't get to say it first.If I knew my BF was doing this, it would really hurt me. How can I stop? How can I feel comfortable and confident explaining my long distance relationship without tearing it down out of fear that someone else will think it's stupid??? I love him so much, I don't want to behave this way.
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 July 2007):
 The next time someone asks you "Are you in a relationship?" then you answer YES! If they probe some more (and you don't feel comfortable with it) then answer them back with a question. For example - He's overseas just now working hard for our future, what about you are you in a relationship? - Then ask them more about theirs, how they met etc. They'll either enjoy talking about themselves and forget about your love life or change the subject altogether.
Although long distance relationships are not ideal they CAN work! My partner and I had a long distance relationship until he decided to move over to be with me. Don't doubt your relationship and don't justify it to ANYONE! YOU know how it is between you both and how you both feel about one another and that's all that matters.
I wish you both every happiness for the future...
Eve
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): My first response wasn't posted for some reason so I'll try again.I thank you all for your replies, however, two of you didn't do much to answer my question. The status of my relationship is non-negotiable. We're dating, end of story.The reason I posted this question is because of people particularly like a few of you who are questioning and judging my relationship. You don't know how we met, how long we've been dating, or why we're seperated. In fact, I didn't offer any details except for the fact that we see one another every 2 or 3 months, so how can you possibly make such a judgement?I appreciate your input but only one of you actually answered my question. I didn't come here asking "Do you approve of my LDR?" what I asked was "How do I deal with people who DON'T approve?"Clearly I still need help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): I agree with juliet, I am also not a big proponent of long distance realtionships, unless you dated for a couple of years and one of you had to move away because of a job, then I can see trying it on for awhile until you were ready to follow him to his new city.....otherwise, this is called a long distance booty call for the guy...of course he is going to tell you he is serious, so you will keep seeing him....and he may like you and all, but I don't think it is likely that this is going to go on indefinately, it is not a real relationship, you rarely see each other....it is a lot like having a pen pal really, you can be close, but at some point it needs to be taken to the next level and you all need to move to the same city, and that needs to be sooner than later.....so I bet if you started asking, he might either go for it, or start back pedaling....what do you think about that?
...............................
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 I tend to be rather critical of long distance relationships,especially those that are that far away. You say you love him, but you only see him every 2-3 months. I dont believe you really know him! Anyone can be wonderful for a week at a time while on vacation. It is being wonderful for the long term that is difficult. You dont truly know how you would be together becuase the only time you have spent together is away from reality. Talking on the phone is no substitute either because you need actual experiences together. I know your feelings are very real to you and I am not saying it is impossible for this to work out, but it is highly unlikely. I think you know all this and that is why you are embarrassed to tell people about your fantasy relationship. If you and he are really serious about making a go of it, I think you need to make it a 'real' relationship' and one of you needs to move. But honey, I have heard of way too many relationships like yours and when they actually get in the same city together they find out they arent actually compatable. Good luck and lets hope you are in the minority.
...............................
A
female
reader, FoxyR  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Well i think that you shouldn't care about what other people think. If you love him and he loves you then that's that.
Have you ever ask him to move in with you well not move in but in the same countryand vice versa.
...............................
|
