A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello agony auntsI've got a problem which I hope you can solve for me, I feel as though someone at work is plotting against me and is telling untrue stuff about me to my friends and to a girl who I'm friends with about my past, he doesn't like me and I'm not particularly a fan of him but I'm worried that he's trying to sabotage my friendships. The girl who I'm friends with doesnt seem interested anymore. We used to get on like a house on fire and talk a lot on social media and in person, but since the troublemaker has come a long he seems to have ruined things and put me out of the picture.I've told the girl that I like a bit about my past, that I was picked on at school and that I've been heartbroken when it has come to being or having relationships, I'm a sweet guy and I feel ive lost my best friend as well as my other friendships I've got.What should I do? Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2016): All I ever wanted her to be was a friend, and I know we will never be together and accept that as far as being a couple is concerned. I'll do what you suggested and thank you for the help.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 May 2016):
 I think you need to ask her what's changed.
My guess is that you two go on like "house on fire" "white on rice" because she SAW you as a friend, and maybe what's changed is that she might be thinking you want more or have deeper feelings for HER, than she does for you.
Does that mean the "unpleasant dude" has anything to do with that? Not really. Could BE (it's possible) he told her that he thinks YOU really like her. That made her pull back from you. Or she could have gotten to that conclusion WITHOUT his input.
And I would also guess that because you told her about having heartbreak in the past she doesn't WANT to be another person who hurt you. Specially IF she thinks you are into her, while SHE is not into you. (which incidentally SHE isn't - she isn't in to you, if she was this stop/slow down in communication wouldn't have happened)
When you say you think HE is behind it, you are making her out to be sort of dumb. Think about it. She has known you longer, and if he said something offensive about you, she OUGHT to be smart enough to decide for HERSELF if she believes it or not. Don't presume that she is some dunce pawn and he is playing her.
So my advice, IF you JUST want to be friends (which I think would be best as you work together and SHE isn't wanting more either) then TALK to her. Ask her:" hey, I have noticed we talk a lot less and I miss my friend! and our friendly chats."
If you want more than friendship? Sorry, that isn't going to happen. And that isn't her fault (or yours, or the "dude's") - it's just that you two are NOT a good match.
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