A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:It seems that every descent looking guy I come across ends up being a total a^^^ole! They turn out to be liars and cheaters and users and abusers and honestly I'm sick of it. They think that just because they are good looking they can step all over peoples feelings as if the other person isn't human enough for them to care about their emotions!I know it's a somewhat of a shallow concern. I know aesthetics aren't more important than personality, but... I just want to know! Is it possible to find any handsome and confident guys that are not a^^^^les?Is there such a thing as a very good combination of looks and personality?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 Are your standards to high? Are you going for men who are good looking first then getting to know their personality? I think you need to broaden your search if you are looking for a long term partner, plus play it easy for the first while, make a man keen on you, don't rush in to sex ect.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2016): Male reader anonymous has a point.First of all, the guys you pick are reflection of your current state of mind and what you think about yourself.Guys who are good-looking are used to the attention and women chasing them. Some are decent and kind and some are jerks. But they all have flaws. All people do. The trick is to find a partner with whose flaws you can live with :)If you're by any chance going for men "above your league" (I don't like that term, but it's practical) you could do something to get into their league or just reevaluate your standards. I don't want to scare you, but my sister's nearly 40 and is still single! She kept sticking to the standards she had when she was your age. The men she picked were always somehow wrong. (in her case it was social status, money etc. that she looked for in a guy while she was not the kind of a girl they would typically fall for).There are great, charming, sexy, caring, funny guys who look good but are no models who could blow your mind, if your open.Your still young, you'll see :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2016):
 Is there such a thing as a very good combination of looks and personality?
Of course there is. Good looks doesn't always = douche-bag. If it did, life would be so much easier, don't you agree? Because one glance would tell you... good looking - oh douche-bag! Moving on!
Where have you met these guys?
Can I guess, Tindr maybe? Which isn't a dating app, it is a HOOK up app. IMHO? Don't use apps like Tindr if you are looking for a partner, not just a casual fling.
Also, I'd advice you to not dismiss 50% of the population because YOU have run into so less than stellar specimens. With that I mean, don't judge "all" men because of a handful of them's behavior.
Wanting to date a good looking guy isn't shallow, but... if that is the MOST important trait you seek in a partner... you might end up with douchy guys. Also, sit down and think. WHAT do you want in a partner? (other than looks). I get liking hot guys. But quite often HOT guys (and girls) have their pick and PREFERS to be players (at your age) because they have this HUGE pool to choose from. So maybe not make a guy's look your sole focus.
You are 18-21, so you are either IN school/college/uni or you are working (hopefully) - so you are around OTHER people on a daily basis. If you are in college/uni, you school should have a LOT of extracurricular clubs, find one that offers YOU something YOU like to do. That way you CAN meet people with whom you SHARE something in common with. (which can be a great thing and a great start).
DO things you LIKE to do. It's a great way to met new people. Instead of meeting them at clubs/bars/parties where they REALLY are at their worst. (let's face it.. drunk people are less filtered but that doesn't make them more sincere).
Just remember you will NOT meet a guy by sitting at home. Yes, you can met one on a dating site but you SPECIALLY because you are young and female will have to WADE through SO many insincere offers and men who are NOT what you are looking for.
Know your worth. Know your limitation and boundaries. Don't ACCEPT people to treat in ways you would NEVER treat another person. (whether the guy is hot nor not).
Don't presume that relationships are instantaneous. They are not. They take TIME to build, time to maintain. So it is a smart assumption to GO SLOW when meeting someone new. Spend time IN person. Get to know them. Is the guy trustworthy? Do you share things in common? Is he funny? Is he smart? Does he treat others good? Does he KEEP his promises? Does his WORDS match his ACTIONS?
Be picky. Being single is no shame. Having a standard is a GOOD thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2016): Yes those guys do exist.
But remember, every bad guy you've picked has something else in common besides being good looking - you picked them.
If you cannot get guys to do anything besides sleep with you casually, then you may also be picking guys "above your league". Guys commonly have higher standards for a committed relationship partner than they will for casual sex. Its a product of the fact that girls are the gatekeepers of sex and do more of the selecting. Girls have the option of picking up hotter partners for casual flings than they can snag for committed relationships.
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