A
female
age
41-50,
*earts33
writes:Do I still love him? My husband was in a severe depression for the last 5 years. Then last May I told him I wanted to separate and he promised he would change back to the man I married. He has been trying severely and doing everything I asked, however I find myself just wanting to do things without him. I dont know if I have just changed over time since I've been raising our 2 kids pretty much myself the last 5 years while he sat in the dark basement all of his free time or if maybe its just to much to late? I'm very confussed, I want to just leave and live alone with my kids (who love him). I believe I still love him but may not be in love anymore. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mistiwood  +, writes (18 February 2007):
oh dear, life is too short to be with someone just because! You see we are always changing and marriages have to be worked at, the problem arises when one does all the work and the other sits back and expects it to happen. Then the problems come and bite you and unfortunately they do not go away however much he says he will change. Sorry but a leopard does not change his spots, they revert back to what they did before, you can count on it. Please live your life, people should not live their lives for others, people should compliment yours and you theirs and it sounds to me as though you have tried to make this work but it has run its course so go out there and make a new life, deep down you know you want to, you've said it in the post, just pluck up the courage to make the first moves and the rest will follow through, I know because I've done it myself. Good luck!
A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (18 February 2007):
 If he has been depressed for 5 years after time, I am sure it gets old & it is obviously going to be easy for you to want to not be around him. People that are depressed are not fun to be around, so having those feelings are completely normal. I think that he needs help & you leaving him is going to make his depression worse. If you truely love him you will go to counceling with him & try to work things out. You may be able to rekindle the happy marriage that you once had. If the marriage isn't going to work out, it'll come out during your counceling sessions & you can move on from there but at least you put forth the effort. Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, batman +, writes (17 February 2007):
 just tell him how you feel and tell him you want to seperate if he can't except that then oh well!
...............................
A
male
reader, azzarspazzar  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 the fact that you want to do things without is a good sign of getting stroger. i think that you should carry on doing things on your own as it in time will most proberly bring you closer together.aaron
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Do you want to fall in love with him again? Did he see a family doctor as well as psychologist to address his depression? That it was 5 years means he may be very prone to depression so; it needs to be monitored and kept in check.
Any type of mental disorder or chemical imbalance is hard to live with. Most times the people who suffer from these things are unaware what is going on and don't realize it is something they do not have control over without the aid of medication/therapy.
Also, you could be in a depression as well as most partners will suffer depression too. So please see your family doctor about what you are feeling or void of feeling.
Emptiness, unhappiness, bitterness, resentment...these are hard feelings to deal with and left unchecked will cause even further emotional damage which would have you feel detached and wanting to create change and make a serious life altering decision.
Please see a family doctor, get some individual counselling for yourself. Heal and strenghten yourself, take care of yourself.
When you are feeling emotionally and mentally recharged, have another look at your marriage and see how you see your choices then and get proactive.
Take care.
...............................
|
