A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I posted a question a while ago for advice on my LDR with my boyfriend. As i've already been helped with that, I want to ask for help with the next issue i'm facing.For a boyfriend that has shown signs of being more committed to alcohol and partying than to me, as well as constant broken promises and lies, selfish attitudes and more interest in his friends... it's a wonder why i'm even giving him the time of day.Is it selfish, or wrong of me.. to feel the way I do about this next situation...Ever since we've been together I've gone on about my love for a certain type of music and how much I want to go to this music festival in England. I really really want to go, and he knows i'd be in my element if I could afford to go. He works abroad away from home, so he doesn't see his friends very much, but he also hardly gets to see me. Basically, he's been given leave in August to come home. He has a history of choosing drinking, partying and going out with friends over spending time with me (be it online or at home). There's this festival called '***** Gathering' which will be the first weekend he is home and all his friends are going (men and women). Basically they all want him to go, and I get the feeling they don't like me - especially because they havn't invited me along too. So.. he invited me (I honestly feel like he only invited me because he knows i'd want to go) and I said I would come. So I got really really excited about it. Next thing I know, the following week he started talking about it as if it was just him going and said 'Well i'm going ***** gathering that week so i'll have to see you afterwards'. And I just went off on one... It just made it all the more obvious he didn't actually want me there. He then tried to make out that's not what he meant... well i'm sorry but what else could that have meant?!So I said oh i don't think i can really afford it anyway.. I will be honest, I thought he'd offer to pay for it for me until I could pay him back for it. But he didn't, he just sort of brushed it off that I couldn't go. He knows I don't have £100 odd pound lying around! And seeing as he invited me I thought he meant he'd help me out with paying for it. Now normally he's the type to say things like 'moneys no object to me', and he always pays for my flights out to see him because I can't afford them. Bare in mind he'd said he was tempted to fly me out to him for a weekend before he comes home (it never happened as I expected, he breaks promises very regularly, and I no longer trust his word). So I knew he had the money to help me out, but he made out he could only just afford his own ticket.So basically, he's just brushed off the fact that I can't go and he's going along to it anyway without me. I know it's partly selfish of me to think 'he shouldn't go' just because I can't go. But he doesn't even like that music much, and I know he's gonna be having a great time partying with all the djs and his friends and i'm gonna be at home watching them display it all over facebook :(.I'm the type of person who believes people should be in a relationship together, and do things together. I think it's horrible of a boyfriend to do that to someone he apparently loves, making me unhappy for his own drinking/partying with his friends gain. Especially when he knows it's something I would love :(. To me it's like a massive up yours, i'm gonna go without you anyway who cares about how you feel. He doesn't even seem to feel bad, and all he puts on facebook is like countdowns til he goes and stuff.I don't know, I don't know what to do anymore !
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 Ok, this is a dumb question, but...
- if you think a couple should do things together, and he obviously does not
- if you think the way he is acting is horrible
- if he has a record of breking promises, ditching you for his friends, neglecting your needs etc., AND you think this is unacceptable, but he is not sorry about it and he does not think it's a problem....
then WHY are you still with him ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): Why are you with him exactly? He doesn't put you first, he doesn't spend time with you or make you feel special, infact he puts you right at the bottom in his rankings, he sounds like a very selfish person.
What I'm trying to say is you are still young. You could call him up right now and tell him its over and you could be with someone great by next week, someone who respects you in everything he does. You could end up going to this festival after all.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 Tell him how you feel. He needs to start putting you first more often. It was really inconsiderate for him to not want you to go to something that was your idea in the first place. Tell him that you want him to spend more time with you. If he doesn't change and start taking your feelings into consideration, then it's time for you to leave. Hope I helped.
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