A
female
age
30-35,
*teph0430
writes:i think my husband cheated on me,we have been together for almost 5 years and we have a beautiful 8 month old baby... but our relationship hasnt been as good as it used to. we have had problems bafore because he messed around with a girl(shes 18)she was 16 at that time. i gave him a second chance and everything seemed perfect after that. that "girl" contacted me saying she was sorry and that she wanted to be my friend, and i dont know why but i believed her,so i thought she would leave me alone if i kept her as my "friend".... my husband found out about my secret friendship with her and he started talking to her, supposedly he was trying to figure out what was going on, but he kept talking to her even after he knew what was going on.i saw his phone record and i knew they were talking so i confronted my husband about it.he said he was really hurt and that he couldnt trust me anymore.i tried to esplain why i did it but i know i made a huge mistake.we tried to work things out but he lie to me saying he had to go towork but he didnt, i knew they were together because he didnt leave the house until he felt he looked good, and since when do men take his working clothes in a bag? . i mean im not stupid,i know what happened.he swears he didnt do anything and i wanna believe him but my heart wont let me. i do love him with all my heart,but im afraid of what could happen.what if he is with me just because he doensnt wanna lose his son? i told him that i would nvr take his son away from him but i dont know if he believes me.i wish i could just know what he really wants.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 January 2011):
 You are right in the thick of wanting to believe him. And thinking of him and your baby. But what about you?
You are important in all this. You have a right to expect exclusivity from your husband. If your husband cheats he's not honoring your joint marriage contract. If your husband cheats, with who knows who, he is exposing you to possible sexually transmitted diseases.
He's been lying to you and that destroys trust in a marriage. He's a father and a husband, and he should not be short-changing Daddy time nor Wife (talking with) time.
he's cheating. Classic tactic - he went on the offensive when you confronted him about the truth about the phone calls. What a nerve he has to suggest he can't trust you? You spoke the truth. He was trying to hide his tracks with lies.
Another classic tactic is sprucing himself up with aftershave before he departs for ''work'' with his work clothes in a bag. That's laughable, for him not to realise you'd notice. How gullible does he think you are?
Get some very urgent couples counselling. Even if he refuses to go, you could go without him, if only to clarify how you go forward in the face of evidence that your husband had deliberately, not once, not twice, but even more. And again, even after you found out about the earlier cheating.
What your husband wants is total freedom to live the life of a bachelor and have no strings attached affairs with
available girls.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 I hate to say this but 'what a big mistake' befriending the woman he was having an affair with, and possibly still is. You both need to get this woman out of both your lives for anything to move forward. If he doesnt agree with this let them both have their happy life together. You are right about him making extra effort and putting his work gear into his bag. You are picking up on all the things he doesnt usually do and your gut reaction will always be right about you been suspicious of him. I would like to say get rid of him now,but youve a child there and to be fair on the child you both need to make a go of it for him.
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