A
male
age
30-35,
*3puremage1
writes:I love a girl a lot who is my best friend and I asked her out but she refused and went out with another guy. I told her everything I did I do it for her including when she was upset that another guy took two weeks to decide to ask her out, I was there to support her and meanwhile I swallow all the tears. But she doesn't know the whole picture yet.She told me that she knew I would feel betrayed and upset. She asked me to forgive her and I just said enjoy life when you can.She continue treats me extremely well. I still love her and cannot persuade myself to give up but I also hate her since I feel like I got "used" by her and all the things she is doing for me is because she felt sorry for me.I seriously do not what to do? Sometimes I really want to tell her that I still love her even though I try my best to pretend that I don't love her but sometimes I really want to tell her to just ignore me.I am seriously torn and felt ashame of myself.
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male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 This is a tough situation and you have my empathy.It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of different emotions. You are feeling used, you are feeling a deep attraction for her--perhaps love, and you are angry and resentful that she did not choose you. A lot to deal with, for sure.My impression is that she sounds like a decent person because she feels bad that she rebuffed you and chose someone else. She might also feel bad for using you--which she did. But she's a young girl, and she needed the support and she needed to unload. You offered and she took. It must have been painful for you to listen to her when this other was deciding to ask her out. In the future, I would avoid acting in such a role if you are interested in the girl as it is degrading and depressing. (I've been there!)You need space from her right now. She is trying to be nice but it is having the opposite effect. You don't need her pity; you need to recoup after an emotionally exhausting experience. Tell her you need your space and when and if you are ready you will contact her again. It is not fair to either of you for you to subject yourself to such a humiliating position.It is painful now, but you will meet someone else who will reciprocate your affections. Just give yourself some time and have patience.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Do you want to be upset or do you want to know the whole picture? Love and Hate are one in the eyes of betrayal but it's best to delivery this softly, like through email or a third party who won't be a messenger of shame. Tell her you love her and to ignore you, true love will lead one on the right path if she is the one.
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A
female
reader, 55Taffy55 +, writes (13 January 2011):
 You feel this way obviously tell her, you have these feelings locked up. When you really shouldn't. Tell her you try to forgive her for everything she put you through and that you wish it was that easy but it isnt...is it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): If we give too much of ourselves and ask for nothing in return, it causes a rift in the relationship continuum. The other person takes friendship offered but does not give of themselves in return.
This upsets the balance and harmony that nature dictates to mankind.
This is called is commonly known as the door mat syndrome and also the lost puppy dog effect.
I suggest closing the gap between mind and body. get proper nutrition and seek a dojo with a reputable master of martial arts and get the spirit connected with the body.
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A
female
reader, Laura Joanne +, writes (13 January 2011):
 You shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself. People fall for people all the time, I have fallen for my best friend and I know a lot of people have as well. It does not sound like she wants a relationship with you, which is very sad to say but it's the truth. You could continue being friends with her but you will still feel like a broken mess inside or you could take a few weeks of from this friendship and sort yourself out. You need space and healing and until you cut contact with this girl you won't ever get it. I know it will be hard but everything you do in life makes you a stronger person, speaking from personal experience. I hope you stay strong and do what's best for you.. just remember never let anyone walk over you. You are a person with feelings and emotions, not a doormat. Good luck.
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