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male
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*kywalker
writes: I started going out with my gf 9 months ago.My gf is a chatterbox and i am the quiete kinds,but i talk,not as my gf expects but i say what i have to say,sometimes on time and late as well.Trouble started when my gf in 5th month asked me to cut off ties with a friend(girl) and i did it. THen things were normal again.About a month back,she started to meet a guy who plays sitar(music instrument) and she herself sings.The guy said he wntd to dedicate a composition in her name and told her very clearly he likes her.so they start bonding,late night walks plus chatting on net,texting.If i ask abt it,she goes ballistics.In the meantime my gf complained that i dont share things with her(dnt talk).I am making honest efforts to change that.I am a working man and at the end of the day i am tired and wud like to rest.She's still in college.She tells me i shudnt feel tired and shud cum over everyday to meet her,as one who is in love never feels tired and is always energized to meet loved one.I talk to her on the phone but not for hours as she wants it.I am lill lazy and dont take initiative,like make plans for weekends.I was happy bcoz she was deciding things for us.when i decided to change myself,she's nt responding.According to her,her parents never became the best of friends thats why their rltionship failed(her father died when she was 5).She's comparing ours and her parent's rltionship,which she doesnt knw anythn abt.She wants me to bcome her best friend.I am trying to do that.But in the process,i asked her to cut off her ties with the boy and she refused and gave me a big lecture.Now i feel insulted and doublecrossed.I did wat she asked me to do when she was being unreasonable .Why cnt she do the same for me?? instead i get to hear his praises.ex:"That guy talks through his eyes".and that "v r just friends who have music in common".We had a big fight abt a month bak(abt this guy) and i suggested v b friends for a while.Now she tells me since i am her friend,not boyfriend anymore,i am not allowed to ask her to do anything.I have clearly told her that i have a romantic interest in u and if i cant be wid you,then frndship is also not possible.I dont like it one bit and have asked her if she still wnts to be in a rltionship wid me.She says yes ,everytime but doesnt act that way and on top it my imagination is going wild.I dnt trust her anymore.She says only if i change(start talkn to her and take initiatives)will she consider me else its over.I think it is right to love a person for who they r and nt wat they can b..Any advice..I am 27M n she 22F
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Hey there,
I am in a very similar situation as you are right now.
My gf broke up with me 2 months ago, while we were dating she made me cut off my friendship with my friends who are girls. Because i loved her i did it, but she however see's her guy friends still. I did exactly what you did and told her i don't want her to talk to this particular guy, but worse, he was her EX as well... She also went ballistic at me... After 2 years, she broke up with me and said she has no more feelings for me, and i was heart broken...
I'm also a quite guy like yourself, we have alot in common...
Sometimes, well most of the times Girls expect alot from the bf. I know it is hard for you to meet up with all of the expectations because sometimes the things they expect is just impossible and too much. But we've tried our best to change to make them happy...
You and I, we both made a mistake in this relationship, we ended up, somewhere during the realtionsip letting ourselves be walked all over by our gf. Ever since you dated her, it sounds like she is in control of you most of the time.
I personally don't understand why some girls are just so unfair when it comes to relationships. They make us cut off ties with our friends, but we'd happily do it because we love them. On the other hand, when they start talking to another guy and worse, know that this particular guy likes her and wants to pick her up she still does not respect us and still see's this person.
I know it is unfair for you, i am in the same situation as you are. But the thing is you just have to suck it all up, find an oppourtunity and sit down with her. Calmly talk to her and tell her how you feel, tell her how unfair it is for you and that you care for her and just don't want to lose her to another guy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Leave her. She's getting too attached to this other guy. If you don't want to end up cheated or hurt, then leave. It's just a matter of time before they fall in love and you'll be out of the picture.
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A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (30 October 2006):
 honestly, it sounds to me like she's expecting way too much out of you. She wants you to be someone you're not, and quite frankly, that's not really love...
I think you deserve someone who's not going to force you to change who you are, and at least will be patient with you on the things you probably should change. For instance, you DO need to speak a bit more than you apparently do. Not saying you have to stay up all night after a hard day's work and chat on the phone for hours and hours, but at least enough to where she doesn't have to do all the talking, you know?
I suggest you try looking elsewhere for an attraction, and you just might find someone more compatable with you.
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