A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I work in fast food and our drive-through is open. I work as a cashier and drive-through. I don't know how to make food here as I've only been here seven months. Anyway, I accidentally misgendered a customer and now he/she won't stop at anything to get me fired over it even though the first thing I said was, "sorry, that won't happen again". That should have been the end of it. But it's not.He/she wanted my manager and told her they didn't want me to do anything else for them. They wanted me fired in the spot! I have a six year old I'm trying to support and the little paycheck I get is now going to babysitting. So I don't need this. Manager just handled the transaction and tried to send him/her on their way but that wasn't good enough. The customer wanted me dressed Down completely for being insensitive and basically humiliated me in front of everyone. All I said is, "I apologized to you"See, where I come from, when someone humbles themselves enough to apologize, the correct thing to do is forgive them and move on. It's not like I ran over their cat! I was told, "you haven't heard the last from me. You'd better hope you still have a job when I'm done with you". The manager had to "council" me in how to be more sensitive and forced me to apologize some more but he/she refused to hear it.Then the customer took it all the way to corporate. (This happened a few weeks ago so yes, corporate got involved). They're taking this "very seriously" and I still haven't heard the end of it! Apparently he/she said they won't stop until I'm fired because I need to be taught a lesson!It was an accident. I apologized. Why is he/she still coming after me? I'm having a hard time being sympathetic because this is my livelihood on the line. Especially in a economy like this with all this going on. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2020): I'm sorry. This person sounds like a total jerk. If someone accidentally called me Sir, I would just laugh and get over it. They obviously have issues with their gender that they are taking out on you for a genuine mistake. You have apologised and explained that it was a mistake, there is nothing more you can do. They are a nut case. Try not to worry, your work cannot fire you for making an honest mistake and apologising afterwards and if they did try that I would take them to a tribunal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2020): Thank you everyone for being understanding. I'll try not to say him/her anymore because the customer goes by "she". I was raised to ma'm/sir people. I was raised in a very conservative area with Independent Baptists as parents. I considered myself a liberal until I moved to here (a very liberal area). Now I'm almost embarrassed to call myself a liberal because ppl are just ridiculous here.
I mean: I try to call you the gender you're presenting and I'm trying to break the upbringing of man/sir (and a bunch of my other upbringing too). I think transgendered people are trapped in the wrong body and I genuinely feel sorry for them! I think people are born gay through no fault of their own. I don't care who marries who or who wants to adopt a baby with who as long as they're safe people. I AM a little liberal. I just made a mistake and I'm learning and trying.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 March 2020):
 I’m sorry you’re facing this. Most people aren’t that aggressive about being misgendered by accident, whether they’re transgender or not. They may be trans or just ambiguous - plenty of cis women look masculine and plenty of cis men look feminine. It’s often not intentional, so people repeatedly making mistakes can wear you down, so you snap at the next person, even if it was an accident.“They” is not just plural; it’s been used singularly for decades, so if you aren’t sure about someone’s gender in future, it’s polite to just say “they”/“their”. Some people are particularly sensitive about their appearance because people have picked at them about it before.Try to take it one day at a time. Keep it simple whenever you have to explain it, don’t ramble or get irritated, just explain clearly and briefly that it was an accident and you apologised. Don’t dismiss the customer’s feelings, even though they have taken it too far. Express that, in future, you’ll stick to neutral terms if you aren’t sure and work hard in the mean time. Try not to stress.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 March 2020):
 There are people out there who have no empathy for others and who would rather see someone "punished" than be the bigger person and realize nobody is perfect. Let's hope this individual never makes a mistake and meets someone like the person they are being.
I would advise keeping your head down and working as hard as possible so that your bosses see this was just an accidental blip and you are a worthy member of their workforce.
Secondly, I am making the assumption this person is a transsexual and, as such, I would strongly advise you to not keep referring to them as he/she. That in itself is insulting. They are one or the other. Go with the gender they wish for themselves. Empathy works both ways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2020): This is just ridiculus! The person must be a real mental case . Why should anyone get so upset just because someone mistook them for being of another gender. I am a man and a large one at that but somehow I have a somewhat soft voice and actually I am told my voice is quite nice when I sing but somehow when I talk on the phone to a stranger I sound a bit feminine and many times telephone receptionests mistake me for a female and address me as madam. Granted it is a bit annoying but hardly a reason to make an issue of it . Actually my kids make a fun of it and they say, Dad why do you make your voice so soft when you are on the phone . I agree with WiseOwlE on this you should keep quite and concentrate on your work and hope that your bosses will be decent enough to stand with their employee and simply ignore this pathatic being. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 March 2020):
 Wow, just wow.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this! I think some people just want to be offended and have a chip on their shoulder so feel the need to treat others like crap to make their-self feel better. I don’t think there’s much you can do here, this person is intent on getting you fired and a lot of companies these days are scared to death of being sued and having their name dragged through the mud over issues like this so it’s a high possibility that your job could be lost over this which is a huge shame.
I don’t think it would be the worst idea to keep an eye out for other jobs in your local area just on the off chance, I know it’s hard at the moment with the virus outbreak and what not but it’s better to be as prepared as possible for if it’s worst case scenario.
Don’t beat yourself up over this, this is an instance of a very sad, little person who’s using their own issues as a way to act like an asshole. Honeypie suggested what I’d do also, just use blanket terms or that persons name to avoid offence to save the hassle in future. I wouldn’t use someone’s pronouns either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2020): If the person came-in spoiling for a fight, you were the lucky target.
The Covid-19 pandemic is shutting-down businesses, and the customer's complaint will get only but so far anyway.
You may be dealing with an individual suffering from a mental-health disorder; and there isn't much to be done when people like that go to the extremes. They have little else to do but dwell on an issue or incident; and they'll blow it out of proportion until it becomes a major catastrophe. My dear, you just stepped on the toes of the wrong customer. People are highly agitated and hypersensitive due to the current pandemic; and you can expect those with mental-health disorders to be even more affected than the average everyday-individual.
You haven't worked there very long; so it wouldn't hurt the company to let you go, when it is likely most restaurant chains are laying-off employees anyway. It's likely your boss will be out of job in the weeks to come!
You may qualify for unemployment, but it may also be necessary that you seek assistance through social services.
There are mean people in this world; but giving the customer some benefit of the doubt, you may have been the last straw. There is a lot of racial-tension and phobic-behavior blatantly projected towards customers by service-employees; and it's blasted all over the internet. Someone already victimized or attacked will sometimes lose-it; and decide to take-on any situation as their battle for the sake of principle. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time!
There isn't much you can do but wait it out. The less you speak the better-off you are. It may blow-over, and they will do whatever they can to appease the customer. You weren't fired on the spot; so you really shouldn't allow yourself to get so worked-up, or you'll start making a lot of mistakes. It seems the job isn't a good fit for you; and in the coming weeks you'll probably have to stay home due to the pandemic anyway.
Calm-down, you have to save your energy and keep a cool head while things progress concerning the pandemic. That customer is the least of your concerns.
The company deals with these sorts of individuals everyday. If there were witnesses around when the incident occurred, the company will investigate and ask questions. At best, many jobs are shaky right-now; because states are closing-down non-essential businesses for the health-safety of the public. It's just a matter of time before you and everybody you work with may be asked to stay home.
Stay safe, and prepare for whatever happens. Panicking won't help.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2020):
 Because if identity politics, OP
Some people want it to be a "hate-crime" to use the wrong pronoun, even if it was a mistake, some claim it invalidate their existence (not sure how) and other, PROBABLY like the person you are dealing with now, for ATTENTION and to feel "empowered". So do it for "Internet clout".
It might also be that the person you are dealing with has had some really rough experiences, been mocked and generally treated like shit and simple had enough. It happens.
You can get a customer who is pissed off and wants you fired because you got the order wrong. Shit happens.
All I can say is this, AVOID using ANY "gender-identifying pronouns" AT ALL. So no using, thanks ma'am, sir, miss or whatnot. It's just safer.
I absolutely GET why you have a hard time feeling sympathetic, because that person IS being unreasonable. ABSOLUTELY unreasonable. IF it was an honest mistake, it's not about what's "right or wrong" - it's about that person being treated as SUPER SPECIAL with the whole I can ruin your life if you don't bow down. Which I find disgusting.
It was, I'm guess is PRETTY honest mistake if you worked the drive though and the VOICE you heard sounded masculine that you use "sir" or whatnot. But again, my advice would be to just use YOU/y'all as the OVERALL umbrella term, instead of any "gender-identifying pronouns".
We have a cashier at the local grocery store who is a trans woman, it's kinda obvious, but I treat her as I would anyone else, though I AM choosing NOT to use any "gender-identifying pronouns" simply to not offend. Because I rather be polite to people than be offensive when I don't HAVE to.
As far as it goes, it's out of your hands. I would, however, TALK to your supervisor/corporate as ASK them what the BEST police is for the future, and get it in writing.
I just don't think it's JUSTICE to get you fired for using the "wrong" pronouns. That is the whole cancel culture. Because if someone called me Dude, or mister I would not take offense, I'd probably rethink my outfit or wonder if the other person might need better glasses. But of course that is tongue in cheek, as I DO NOT deal with dysphoria, trying to live as the opposite sex or whatever it is that customer is dealing with.
Mistakes happens, if you make one OWN it and do your best to be polite. I think you did that already, so really all you can do is to wait and see.
So 2 things, talk to your supervisor, see what the policy is, if need be ASK corporate (if you have certain wording that you are supposed to use, such as "how may I help you, sir/ma'am" or the likes. And secondly avoid ALL "It was, I'm guess is PRETTY honest mistake if you worked the drive though and the VOICE you heard sounded masculine that you use "sir" or whatnot. But again, my advice would be to just use YOU as the OVERALL umbrella term, instead of any "gender-identifying pronouns". It just makes life easier for you.
And I think THAT customer was hoping to pick a fight with anyone, it just happens to be you. Because it seems a BIT much to want you fired for that.
In your day to day contact with people, be kind, be polite it's really all you can do.
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