A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I have been away for the last six months and he cheated on me with a girl for about one month. He did tell me about it and said he was sorry but said he wasnt ready to discuss why it happened yet. He was not supposed to see her again but I found out that they are very good friends and although he has not crossed any lines, they spend a lot of time together. He promises me that he will work on our relationship but I heard him tell a friend that he wonders if he will be obligated to me for the rest of his life. When I asked him if he is in love with me, he told me that was a difficult question and after a minute or two, then said yes. But when I ask him if he loves me, he always says yes right away. I am worried that he is now only with me because he doesnt want to hurt me...what do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): If a guy gets drunk and cheats one night and feels overwhelmingly guilty, that's one thing. But cheating for a whole month with a close friend is completely different, especially if he has trouble saying he loves you. My guess is he feels like he wants to be with the other woman. Why else wouldn't he discuss with you why he cheated? If he really truly was sorry and wanted to mend the relationship, he'd give a reason why he cheated instead of keeping things from you. Even if he might not cheat again, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, or be with someone you can't trust? You deserve someone who loves you, and only you, unconditionally. Someone you can trust.
A
female
reader, Serenityelf  +, writes (6 June 2009):
I'm sorry you are going through this; it must be very painful.
I'm a lot older than you, so what I suggest is that you give yourselves some time. You have only been with each other for a year, so I would - if you believe- he really doesn't or isn't sure he loves you, cool the relationship down. First, talk to him and tell him the truth. Ask him to be honest. It might really hurt, but do it before you are with him for years and the leaving gets even more painful.
Take care. God luck.
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