A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex split up about a year and a half ago now. I ended the relationship for several reasons which I won't go into. When we split up, I cut all communication with him in order to move on. However, he kept trying to contact me and I just simply ignored him. The contact became so frequent, and I felt bad ignoring him. So I decided to talk to him. He kept saying how he couldn't let me go and how he couldn't forget about me. So anyway, we're friends now.We talk pretty much everyday to be honest. Although, I'm not too sure whether I like it or not. I've tried so many times to stop talking to him altogether...but it never happens or actually works. He always says that eh can't and that he needs me.Thing is, he's got a girlfriend now but he still flirts with me and opens up. The other night he said his girlfriend is a "bitch". I didn't know what to think. He doesn't talk so greatly about her, and doesn't seem to have anything nice to her regarding her. I'm glad he's in a relationship, so it doesn't really bother me. I don't mind asking if she's ok etc. But whenever I mention her, he just says "I can't be bothered talking about her". I'm confused because he always flirts and says things like how he loves me and how am his special friend. But once when I asked him "what's a special friend?" he responded by saying "you're more than a friend to me". I don't get it :/. He's got a girlfriend!! So he shouldn't be saying all this to me. He even says how he loves me :/. I don't really say anything back. I just don't wanna believe him and look like a fool.My ex didn't reply back to me last night. So I asked him why. He said his girlfriend stayed over and that his phone was on silent. I know I'm over him, but when he mentioned his girlfriend my heart just swallowed up in my chest. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it kinda hurt. I don't get why. I think I'm just confused about what he says and what he does. Surely, if me and him are friends he shouldn't be saying certain things to me? He even said once that if I were to put my head on his chest, his heart would "beat faster". He says he can't even talk to his girlfriend about personal things the way he can with me.I'm just so confused :(. Does he still have feelings for me? Why did it hurt when he mentioned his girlfriend? Why does he flirt with me and not feel bad that he's got a girlfriend? Thanks for any replies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): you are not overeacting. Stop this nonsense with him, and cut him out of your life. For you and his girlfriends sake. He has NO respect for you! Even a blind person can see he's playing around with the both of you! And the fact that he treats all of this as a joke is pretty sick.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYesterday I kept saying to him that I'm confused because he flirts, and that it's hard for me because it plays with my emotions. He said that I was being silly. He said "but you know I've got a girlfriend, so you know how it is". I said to him "you've got a girlfriend, you love her so respect that". He said to me he flirts with me because "that's how we are" . I said to him "no, we're friends so flirting shouldn't happen". He just kept saying fine and he won't flirt with me. I mean, isn't he already supposed to know that? :S.He thinks I'm overreacting and being silly. But it ain't fair on me because I'm confused as to whether he has feelings for me or not. He said to me he's trying to keep things normal between us and I'm always awkward because I always go on at him . I don't. I'm just confused. He said he's trying to keep things "casual" between us. But how is he keeping it casual if he calls me every single night before he goes to sleep and talks to me throughout the day? I just feel like a fool. And he even said he's trying to be nice to make up for how he was before. I don't get it. Is he only talking to me because he feels bad or because he cares? Does he still have feelings for me? He's asked me before "how do you know I still ain't got feelings for you? You know how I feel". He's even said he's got a "soft spot for me" and how he "loves me". Last Sunday when he was flirting with me, he said "I just wish you loved me". I told him not to flirt and he just said "my bad" as though he wasn't sorry at all.Am I overreacting or being silly?I'm just so confused right now :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Did he cheat on you? He's most likely doing the same thing to her as he did to you. Sounds like you think how he's acting may be a sign he regrets how he lost you and will change. If that were true, he wouldn't be trying to win you back while he has a girlfriend. He'd break up with her and do everything he could to win you back and make you feel safe and secure he'd never hurt you again.
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A
female
reader, Crazy Fox  +, writes (27 January 2012):
 I do believe that he has feelings for you, and he wants you back, of course he can't just stay 1.5 year on his own, for several reasons. So when some girl showed up he accepted her, but in his heart he wants to be with you. You felt bad when he mentioned being with his girlfriend over the night, it's 'cause you've collided with jealousy. And yes, when we break up we say we do want our exes to move on and have a happy life. But does the imagine of them being with someone else make us truly happy? I doubt.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (27 January 2012):
I think you've stayed in contact with him for his benefit, not yours. In the process, you have gained an ongoing difficult situation and even worse, you are something like piggy in the middle between him and his girlfriend.
Yeah, I'd say he would get back with you, but that is not what you want, is it? Therefore the friendship is on rocky ground and hurting both parties.
So go back to your old stance and avoid the aggro, ie reduce contact.
When it's over, it's over.
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