A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am worried about my partner's wellbeing and am wondering if he has a mild form of autism or Aspergers. He recently split up with me on a complete whim (we were very happy until two hours before) as he thought our relationship was what was making him unhappy, and then instantly became very distressed and said he thinks he made a mistake. We are now getting back together, but in the long term I think his lifestyle makes him miserable. Does anyone have any experience of this, as I have none and have only just started looking into it? I have had a few friends with autism, but the huge difference with them was their inability to read other people. However my partner is fantastic at reading others, just not himself. A quick overview of why I'm looking into this:- He can read others perfectly but finds his own emotions incredibly difficult to interpret. - He has very bad insomnia.- The only activity he is passionate about is playing music. He is amazing at it, but is reluctant to play with others. He is intensely creative musically.- He had no friends at all. I am the only person he regularly socialises with. On the rare occasions I see him with others he seems to do fine and is well liked, but does not maintain friendships. He does however get lonely and wish to socialise.- I am his first serious relationship and he is in his early thirties.- He is intensely introverted.- He suffers with depression and anxiety.- When I have been very upset, despite usually being very affectionate with me he sometimes struggles to speak at all or do anything. This used to really uspet me and cause arguments because I thought he didn't care, until he said that he just cannot get words out in those situations and wants to leave. This really upsets him, as he wants to be supportive.- His daily routine is very limited - he wakes up, goes to work, comes home and plays music. And sometimes sees me.I love this guy. We get on very well and he has a fantastic sense of humour, is very kind and understands me so well. However I am very sociable and my lifestyle is the polar opposite of his. I would like to understand him so I can help him be happy.Does this sound like autism or something else? I would think yes, but he is so apt at reading others and so empathic that it suggests otherwise. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): This post may also help
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/-i-feel-like-i-have-had-a.html
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2014):
 My lifestyle is similar to him but I am not miserable. I had been depressed before but now I am happy. He prefers non verbal expression of affection. For you to be satisfied you want him to express his feelings more. Is it possible that you accept the way he is? His depression could be separate from his lifestyle and from this relationship. Depression can strike anytime, and I would say more common in people who are not neuro-typical. Only he knows the way to be happy. It is not your job to help him to be happy because for some, normal does not equal happy. Although I think he will be happier if you love him just the way he is. He sounds more like schizoid than Asperger's but you don't need a label for him. A lot of people don't fit in any criterias but that doesn't mean they can't use some understanding from supportive people.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 Nope it does not in any way shape or form sound like Autism or Aspergers.
I would make him getting a professional evaluation and treatment for his depression and anxiety part of getting back together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): It is entirely possible that he has missed some developmental stages in his childhood that mean he has difficulty in maintaining more intimate or closer relationships with people. On a surface level, this will 'present' as very similar to Aspergers. He would probably really benefit from counselling. He'll sometimes have conflicting feelings about being intimate with you simply because he has difficulty with maintaining that level of intimacy without feeling threatened. If you can understand that it's not really to do with you personally and you want to help him, then I suggest encourage him to get counselling and to make very small steps to broaden his routine. For example, could he consider just going for a walk in the evening after work sometimes? If you can get him to do something like that, then he may later be able to extend that into going to unfamiliar places and even joining groups where he can slowly and surely socialise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): It may just be anxiety and depression, like you said he has these. Everyone's a little 'autistic' & from what you've said I don't think he is, but if he wants to go forth for a diagnosis, only a GP can do a referral.
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