A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid I am single and have been for the last 20 yrs. Only thingvI do is work and come home to an empty house my children are grown and on their own. I really want to get back out in the dating world but I am afraid of getting hurt again my pass relationships with their fads was garabage.They put a ring on it but it was an empty promises that never passed. Now they I have moved on I met this guy that I have been working with for sometime and I wanted to invite him to my place for dinner but I don't want him to think I want a quick lay in the bed or something like that. I just want his company and conversation. But the other day we were talking and he told me he wanted me to teach him how to love me he blew me back because I never had a man to tell me this.But I am all willing but I don't want to move to fast. Help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2019): This is your chance to write the script. All the previous stories in your life ended with kids and no man. You must have hit one serious bump in the road to stay single for 20 years!
Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but that was the cheesiest line I've ever heard! Tell me you didn't fall for that cheap pickup-line! If you don't feel right about it, that's the appropriate response!
It's enough to make your eyes roll, and your skin crawl!
Dating co-workers is a no-no anyway; but you've already opened that door. His line was testing you to see what kind of bait you'd go for. He threw you his worst line to see if you're desperate for male-company. Which wasn't very respectful. It was a lame attempt at being suave.
If you thought it was cheesy or corny, you would have given him a side-look, followed by shaking your head. He didn't offer to take you out instead. You offered to cook for him, a first date at your house. It's the 21st century, that's too familiar; and gives him the impression you're ready to play. Thus his lousy opening-line. Cringy!
Retract your offer to cook, and instead suggest he meet you at a restaurant; or a classy place for a few drinks. Set the stage for the high-classed approach; and show him he read you the wrong-way. Save the home-cooked meal for when you know he respects you, and you're better acquainted. Make it perfectly clear; so he understands that this isn't a fast-track to your boudoir.
If you had some bad-luck with men in the past, it depends on how you allow them to approach you. A man's conversation opener is a reflection of his character. If it doesn't sound right, it isn't. That was a player's chat-up line, sister!
I wouldn't speak to a classy woman like that.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2019):
 If you worry about pregnancy and a condom splitting then GET YOURSELF on birth control too.
With BOTH the pill/IUD/implant AND condom the likelihood of an oooopsie is pretty low.
That will also give you another REASON to keep the dates sex free for the next 2-3 months (while the birth control takes proper effect).
And yes, dating a coworker is IFFY. At best. Especially if it doesn't work out. You have to decide if that is a risk you want to take or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019): Thanks for the advice both of you I really been hesitant about the whole dinner with him at my home because we are coworkers and I don't know what would come of us if we slept together cause things mmay get hot and heavy and a child cud come about sometimes protection breaks and I just dont wanna meet the pass again.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (8 April 2019):
Invite him out for dinner somewhere else. Home dates are for way down the line. After you are in a relationship
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2019):
I agree fully with Youcannotbeserious,
DO NOT have "home-dates" until you have an exclusive relationship you can SEE a future with. (so really not for quite a while).
Cooking in your place is a nice way to spend time, I get it, but it also offers the kind of PRIVACY for more to happen, where as a dinner/lunch/brunch in public doesn't.
If you JUST want company and conversation... have that over a meal in public, MANY MANY times before you cook at home for him.
I'm not saying that you CANNOT cook a home without providing sex... but you DON'T know this man all that well and he has ALREADY alluded to "wanting to have you teach him how to love you"... that includes sex, don't you think?
So if you don't WANT to move too fast, GO slow. Stick to dates in public, use separate transportation, have a variety of different dates so you get a more varied picture of him.
And then there is the issue that he is a coworker. Eh, rarely a good idea. If you two don't work out what then?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 April 2019):
 The first - and most obvious - thing I would recommend is that, if you don't want a man to get the wrong idea about you being "a quick lay", don't invite him back to your house on the first date or until you are ready to take things into the bedroom. Go out for a drink, or to see a film, or for a meal, but don't invite him back to your home.
The second thing I would advise is being VERY careful about dating someone you work with. If things don't work out, it can cause a really bad atmosphere at work. Would you want to deal with that?
If you still decide to go ahead with this relationship, in your shoes I would tell this man you want to get to know him a lot better before there is any more talk of love. Also, he needs to get to know YOU better. Talking about love is all very well but you cannot love someone you don't know. Trust your gut instinct and take things VERY slowly.
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