A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for 2 months, we've known each other for 7 months prior to dating. The thing is he has a lot of financial problems. He was injured in an accident and was not able to work, hence the bills started mounting. He lost a couple of investment homes and have creditors after him. I am not looking for anyone to support me or buy me expensive gifts. As a matter of fact I told him I preferred to eat in, just so he doesn'te your daughter have to spend money on dinners, etc. The issue is that I am very financiallyresponsible and I don't know if I can handle him being inhis current situation. He is working now, but it seems that he has constant pressures of bills, taxes, creditors, etc. Please, if I were your daughter what would be your honest advice?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): It's not his fault that he had an injury and has gotten into problems. My thought is that if he is working to sort out these financial problems and although at times may feel the pressure or a little overwhelmed with them it's only natural. He did have investment properties, but lost them due to the circumstances he found himself in. It doesn't say that he in snecessarily bad with finances, but that he was injured and had circumstances that caused the financial problems he is facing. That could happen to anyone, including you even though your financially responsible. See how he deals with the situation he is facing, and make your decision based on that. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 In this bad economy world, there are three kinds of bad financial situations.
1. The kind where you are responsible with money, yet a situation happens that's outside your control. He had an accident and couldn't work, or a job layoff in a manufacturing industry. Something outside that knocks even the most conscientious money manager off of their feet.
2. Someone who lives responsibly, yet doesn't have a lot, and hasn't thought long term and gets hit with a financial hardship that people with a bit of foresight would have prepared for, such as a major auto repair, a short term illness, or a workman's comp injury. This could set back someone who lives paycheck to paycheck, yet someone with 3-6 months savings plus investments could be prepared for.
and
3. Someone who is irresponsible with money, meaning they run up the credit cards on frivolous items, neglect their bills, buy too many flashy things to keep up an image and live life as if they have holes in their pockets. Whereas most of us who are responsible with money if given a windfall of, say, $20,000 would maybe spend a little of it, pay off a few bills early and save or invest the rest, the irresponsible guy would ignore his own debt and blow it inside of two weeks.
The answer with this guy is to observe how he handles getting back on his feet, because life will knock even the most responsible person down. If he shows character and battles back to regain, he'll not only be better off, but he'll learn really valuable lessons on how to better prepare.
Remember, Benjamin Franklin declared bankruptcy 3 times, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, Milton Hershey (remember the chocolate bars?), Donald Trump, Henry Heinz (founder of the company with the most popular ketchup), Walt Disney, Cyndi Lauper, and even Abraham Lincoln himself have fallen on hard economic times and declared bankruptcy.
The fact that your guy had investment properties means that he was looking to the future, and the housing bubble wiped him out as well as his injury. If he can pull himself up off the ground, you might just find that he'll be unstoppable in life.
Your job is to help him on his feet and believe in him, unless he's engaging in destructive behaviors like drugs, overspending, or anything like that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): "Please, if I were your daughter what would be your honest advice?"
Expert advice from male friends my age (50+) with adult daughters: You've been dating two months, you already know he's a financial train wreck, staying with him will only end up ruining you financially, dump him now before you have major major regrets.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 January 2012):
 once you get into the spiral of having bills you can't pay and using credit to pay bills you have a hard time getting out....
medical bills are huge w/o insurance and they are often so high that you have to delcare bankruptcy.
IF he is normally responsible and this is a one time thing then if he can fix this then I'd be ok with it.
I'm a wonderful loving generous person and I suck at money management. I am with a man who is very very very good at it. We got out of debt together and HE handles all our finances... I tell him what i need and we budget for it.
and yes I'm ok with this very old fashioned arrangement.
perhaps if you two are serious and he is ok with it you can get his debt paid off and then you can put him on a budget he can adhere to.... for me that meant my man knew that hair cuts, manicures, yoga classes and clothing, makeup and starbucks were part of our budget...
being on a budget does not mean you do without.... and even if there is very little extra available make sure he gets some of it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I have the same thinking..and If I am in that situation I just will walked out...Sorry for him but I dont like be involved with someone who has "problems" can be financial prolems...family problems....etc etc etc. You have a good life. You dont really need problems for FREE.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Leave. You have only been dating for 2 months, so you're not in a terrible position at this moment. It's not as if you have been with him for years, so it's an emotional investment you can overcome fairly easily, even if you do love him.Finances are the number one reason for divorce. When you have a drastically different philosophies when it comes to money and spending habits, your relationship is almost guaranteed to fail. Like it or not, if you were to get serious with him, his finances would spill over into your life as well. He sounds like someone who shouldn't be dating at all, until he gets out of the mess he put himself in. Like it or not, dating costs money. Getting engaged or married involves even more money and shared costs. I just don't see this ending well.
...............................
|
