A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I care about my partner but Ive felt like I have always carried her, striving for more in our relationship. Fitness, finances, education, her medical issues.She has suffered depression, anxiety, I am suspecting social anxiety now. I have tried to get her to seek help. she has come back twice now telling me the psychologist says she doesnt need it. I am not sure I believe her, I have been with her when we went to the doctors and after the appointments what she repeats to me is not what the doctor has said.We have a 2 year old daughter, I am proud of both my partner and daughter in how things are going here! She is a great mum but she needs someone with her or she falls apart, I think she is emotionally unavailable to me. After trying relentlessly trying to connect with her after all this time being together, I am almost crying :(I am at at stage where if I left I would feel like Im leaving my daughter. I want nothing more than waking up with her grinning at me or coming home to see her face light up after work.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 October 2021):
 If you did decide to leave why couldn't you get custody and she visitations?
The mother doesn't automatically get custody.
She isn't at a point where she is willing to accept help. She might also not be telling the doctor what she is really dealing with because she is afraid to be "labelled" crazy. Or she is hoping the depression/anxiety just goes away. Which is a common thing for many people suffering this, to hope for.
Does she have family or friends that she is close with?
Can any of them come to help her out? Maybe look into so daycare for the little one, so your partner can take some time to herself?
And I think YOU need to think about yourself and your child now. I get that your partner isn't doing great but that IS affecting both you and your child too. A CHILD needs proper socialization. Preferably before they turn 4. If she is socially isolating herself and her child she might BE a good mum but she is doing "damage" to her kid's social skills, interactions, language and development.
I think YOU need to talk to someone and figure out what YOU can do for your child (first and foremost) and then for yourself and THEN for your partner IF she is willing.
I know it sucks. There are no easy fixes here. But the longer this goes on, the harder it will be for all 3 of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2021): You talk as if you are more mature, more sorted, more in tune with life, more self aware than your partner and then you make it clear that you are just as immature, needy and unsorted as she is. What you do is realise this and then act accordingly.
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