A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'd love some advice on how to feel confident when it comes to sex despite being really unconfident about my body :( I've been with my bf 2 years, and things have been going great between us, including our sex life. I was very body confident, and loved being physically intimate with him until I became pregnant. Our pregnancy was unplanned, but was something he'd wanted and he is very pleased about it. I'm just starting the 2nd trimester. In the first trimester, our sex life actually got better, somehow we connected more intensely, even though I had tiredness and morning sickness. Those symptoms have now faded, and now I'm finding myself feeling completely awkward around my bf physically, and totally negative about my body to the extent that I don't want him to touch me, look at me naked, or have sex. I feel frumpy and unattractive, as my bump is starting to grow :( I can no longer fasten the button on my sexiest skinny jeans, and just feel fat and ugly :( I don't like my bf even to hug me anymore, and feel no sexual desire at all because of my worries about my body. I can go through the motions with him to please him, but inside, I'm not enjoying it. I have never felt this way before, and am not sure what to do. I cannot control my changing body shape, I can't just exercise more to tone up to help me feel sexier :( I still dress nicely, do my hair/make up, but I just don't feel sexy :( My bf tells me he still finds me attractive, and that he still finds me sexy even with a bump, but for some reason, I don't believe him. I can't see this ever getting better-my belly is just going to get bigger, then I'll get stretch marks, then I'll have a wobbly stomach once the baby is born :( What can I do?? Thanks.
View related questions:
sex life, stretch marks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): (from original poster) thank you for the replies so far - I know you're trying to help. The problem is, I know it's not fat and it's a baby, I've had my first scan and seen the baby on there, but it didn't help, I still feel fat and unattractive, and I know it's only going to get worse. I go to 'gentle' exercise classes for pregnant women, but I don't even break a sweat as I'm used to high-impact exercise. I'm trying not to let my bf know how much this is bringing me down as I don't want him to lose his joy/enthusiasm, but I am feeling very low about it :( Oh, and I have had a miscarriage in the past myself (Sweet-thing, I'm sorry you've been through that too), so I know I am blessed, but it just doesn't make any diffference to how I feel about my body :( I'm worried about the affect this is going to have on my relationship :(
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Relax! Yes I know what you are going through. And this is what I think. Pregnancy agrees with some women and it doesn't agree with others. Some women just marvel at what's going on. They're boobs get bigger and they feel sexy and alive. They enjoy everyone asking about the baby, and picking out baby names and monitoring the baby's growth, heartbeat, and wondering what sex it will be. Some women breeze through pregnancy, find that wonderful "glow" and just let it wash over them regardless of their growing size and shape. This is what men find sexy about pregnant women. They relax. They slow down. They see life differently. Trivial things don't matter anymore. Yes their hormones might make them cry more frequently but they look forward to the next chapter of their lives. Becoming parents. When you can just marvel at the life you are carrying and cherish this phase because it won't last forever. It's kind of like being engaged and how much fun it is to be the center of big news. This is even bigger. But there are some women myself included who cheated themselves out of this wonderful experience, that become too body-freakish about every pound that's gained. Like you I was very thin and very fit when I got pregnant. I hated everything about pregnancy from the moment it began. For one thing, it was a total surprise. I wasn't mentally prepared. I wasn't mature enough to ride the wave. I was stressed out and freaked out by the weight gain. My boobs ached and felt like they were going to burst. Since I was used to being in control of my body I no longer had control and it drove me nuts. I felt shitty when I had things to do. I hated not fitting into my clothes. I hated the way I looked in the mirror and just felt like a fat slob. Oh how I wish I could take those moments back. A short time later, when I entered my 4th month I had a miscarrage and lost the baby. Everything comes with a price. I understand what you are feeling but if you can just see past these frustrations and relax your baby will be able to come into this world in a loving environment, where his loving Mother will be wating to meet him or her. Don't rob yourself of this phase. Enjoy it. Relish it. Savor in every change you go through and remember the incredible life you are carrying. Once you see that tiny image on the baby monitor somehow it no longer matters what's going on with the outside of your body. Take walks, some exercise is good. Pick out cute pregnancy clothes (yes they do have them, so much more now than when I was pregnant) pamper yourself with facials, and pedicures and massages. And be grateful for every compliment your husband bestows on you. Don't steal his joy, his enthusiasm from him. Celebrate with him and just know that when the baby arrives all of your woes will have been worth it. Plus you'll have a new goal; getting your sexy body back into shape. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 May 2012):
 You need to realise that you are not fat or ugly, it is a baby that is growing inside you not fat. You need to accept that. I think most pregnant women go through a stage where they feel unattractive. But your body is going to keep on changing throughout this pregnancy, as you said your boyfriend is happy that you are having his child, and at the end of the day you might look at yourself and say you feel fat but I bet he looks at you and sees that a wonderful life is growing inside you. Believe him when he tells you he still finds you attractive. As for stretch marks and flabby skin, well this does not happen to every woman after having a baby so I think instead of worrying about that you should just enjoy experiencing a life growing inside you and remember it is a baby not fat.
...............................
|
