A
female
age
36-40,
*ennonlover17
writes:Just looking for advice. I'm 33 and separated from my husband due to domestic violence we separated in December having only been married 3 months. I wasn't happy for a long time and only married as we have 2 kids one is 2 1/2 and the other is 15 months. We had a very boring life I moved from my hometime and away from family to be with him and we didn't socialise just spent 24/7 together and argued everyday. My family live 5 hours away. We split finally because everytime we argued he would lash out and hit me if things got really heated then I would hit him back. There would be spitting all kinds it was awful and toxic. We would then both agree it wouldn't happen again. We argued over his family who he was estranged from because they ignored our kids, his older two children from a previous relationship who I couldn't cope with for long periods of time and the fact our eldest son has autism and is very challenging. I began a new relationship with a man I met not long after we split and fell in love. He knows about the entire thing and is the same age as me with no kids of his own. He tells me he is fine about me having kids and dosent have a issue and has even talked about us moving in together in the future and getting a house big enough for the 4 of us. I just find it hard to believe that he can be so genuine. Why on earth would he want me when I've got 2 small kids one with autism an ex husband who constantly harasses me to get back together etc all these issues when he could just find someone who has no baggage etc? I keep thinking he's gonna screw me over or when the time comes tell me it's all to much for him then leave? The strain of being a single mum is hitting me hard and I find it a chore and I don't enjoy being a mum at all most days. I have few friends work part time and have no family support at all. My kids dad has them a few days a week so I get free time and I spend that with my boyfriend. He has quite a batchlor life so I just worry he won't be able to handle all the stuff I come with. I've never felt so lost and alone in my life I'm only happy when I see my boyfriend. I love my kids dearly. Not only that when I am alone I often cry and drink wine to try and escape the trauma of autism and pending divorce. My son was only recently diagnosed.
View related questions:
divorce, fell in love, get back together, period, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Zazzafrazza +, writes (1 June 2017):
"I'm only happy when i see my boyfriend".So men rule your happiness?How is that? Who's to say that this "bachelor", after he's been with you a little while, won't start beating you and arguing with you aswell like your EX? Then what ya gonna do? Find your happiness with another husband/bachelor boyfriend? You women need to get some happy back into your life! No man can bring you happiness, he should add to it; to the happiness you already have within! Now, you have the stuff, so go on BE HAPPY. It's not a crime, it's free and No-one can ever take it away from you, unless you let them and my dear... You have definitely let them!Your children need to understand what happiness is, they are not going to learn it from a husband who beats his wife or a bachelor who is the only source of YOUR happiness. Can't you see how selfish you are being? You should never have been beaten by your husband this is very true (he will suffer the consequences of his bad behaviour,) but now you're beating yourself up and your children are suffering aswell?! We need to bring our children up, showing them positivity, not all this dreadful negativity that is in (your) life. C'mon, be the creative, positive woman you always wanted to be. You will be Loved for it. (Note to self ;))
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 Well you got with your husband when he had two children so what is the difference between this man and you? Or could it be the fact that because you struggled with your husbands children that you feel your boyfriend will struggle with yours?
Look you really need to seek medical advice. Yes I understand how difficult having a child with Autism is, but you are not going to find the answer at the bottom off a wine bottle. Go to your doctor and get your name on a list for some therapy.
Just give the new relationship a go but don't get to serious just enjoy his company and see how it goes.
Also try and get up to see your family more often. They are important and you should talk to them if you feel like you need someone, remember they are just a phone call away.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (24 May 2017):
 You may well want to get some professional help with your depression. CBT seems to work well for many people. Personally I suggest staying away from meds. In my opinion they try to mask the symptoms, but underneath the problems are still there.
It will take a few weeks to get seen so begin the process now. You can always change your mind later.
In the mean time I can see quite a few positives in your life. You have a man who loves you and wants to build a life with you. You have two beautiful children. You have friends. Your ex' is doing his bit to care for the children giving you free time. You are out of your bad relationship and starting a new one although you didn't give yourself much recovery time.
Get a little notebook and every day write down 10 things you have enjoyed or are thankful for. They can be anything from a blue sky to a satisfying glass or Merlot.
You are just not seeing the world right at the moment and you need time and help to re-adjust.
Things can and will get better.
...............................
|
