A
female
age
30-35,
*implySara
writes:So my boyfriend of a year and a half told me last week out of the blue that he needs time away from me. At first I thought he was joking and I said are you casually trying to break up with me and he said no that he stressed and that I've been mean and he needs time to think. I instantly got emotional and he told me not to cry. It's been a week and he still texts me everyday (mostly about work) and I don't know what to do. I don't text him until he texts me because I want to be respectful of what he needs, but at the same time I'm hurting really bad. I really love him and it's eating me to pieces not knowing what to do to make things right or better. How can a man need space but text you everyday? Does he miss me and not want to admit it? What can I do to make the situation better? Thanks Sara
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 He needs to start communicating better with you. Honestly the best thing you can do is send him a message with a time and date and tell him that you both need to talk. Meet up with him and tell him you need to know where you stand. It is not fair him keeping you on a string while he makes up his mind. You need to know if you are together or not. If he wants a break then your as well saying good bye to the relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017): He's placing you in the friend-zone; while weening himself off his emotional-dependency. He's preparing himself for the inevitable breakup. He's also avoiding drama and confrontation; but checking-in to see how you're taking it.
It sounds like he's aiming for a drama-free exit. Giving you time to build-up your tolerance and getting used to the possibility he might be making his grand exit. He is giving himself space for the sake of an emotional head-start. Sorting-out his feelings; before shattering yours.
He's building-up his courage, and so should you.
I just don't know where people get this notion of "breaks" in the middle of a committed-relationship or marriage. Time-outs should be brief for the sake of cool-offs after a big argument; in order to regain composure and perspective.
"Breaks" are for strategy and planning your get-away. If not to check-out another love-interest waiting in the wings as the replacement.
If there is a stalemate or impasse; change the subject and be civil to each other. Don't sweep it under the rug, or it will fester. Unresolved problems turn into knock-down drag-out fights. Resolve them while they're still manageable. Not after they become supersized. Bury them, and God only knows what they might turn into when they finally rise back to the surface.
You should be openly and actively communicating, compromising, and discussing (not arguing) your inner-most feelings. Explaining your personal-concerns and searching-out each others needs.
Not all at one-time. In increments and small sessions; followed by affection, apologies, and comforting each other. You can't always be obsessed with each others shortcomings, constantly bitching, and overly-critical. I know this through personal-experience. I'm not talking out my back-side!
Put into simple words what bothers you about your relationship. Offer the condensed-version. Not a prologue and a screen-play. No one is going to sit through your soliloquy; as you go on non-stop for hours, followed by bad attitude. Pouting is for spoiled-brats. Tantrums and tears are for colicky babies. Adults maintain composure and dignity.
Here's where women go wrong. You have an ever-ready grocery-list of complaints. Issues dating-back from ions ago, and a lot of unsubstantiated accusations. That gives him permission to stand-up, and walk out of the room. Or, expecting him to read your mind; while you rant off-topic or beat around the bush. Phone-trolling and spying means you're a psycho. No matter what he did, you're both wrong. Breakup is inevitable. If you don't trust him, he shouldn't trust you either. If you knew he was a cheat or liar when you first met; it's your fault for thinking you could change him. If you find evidence, save the theatrical-performance. Don't be a drama-queen. Kick him to the curb and deal with it like a woman. Love doesn't mean sh*t, if you're pouring it down an empty well! It isn't love unless you get it in return. Infatuation is not a relationship. It takes two, at the minimum!
Here's where guys go wrong. They use intimidation and bullying. They shut-down and tune-out. They run and hide; and give the silent-treatment. This makes your mate 10 times as angry, and you deserve a tongue-lashing for being a total dick. Running away is what baby-men do. When you know you're wrong, shut the f**k-up! If all was well, there would be no nagging. You aren't the only one entitled to be pissed-off! You have no right to run-over her feelings; because you have physical-strength, and figure her words are no match! She'll take you down! One way or another. Her scorn and wit will out-match your muscle; if she doesn't find someone to literally kick your ass! Yes, she deserves to go to jail for violence or vandalism. Common tactics females use these days. But if you push her to the brink, rage can be very dangerous! Regardless of gender! Call the police, never use physical-violence or intimidation. You're a guy. If she hits you, call the cops! Block the blows, and leave.
Guys do avoid discussing their feelings; but our main objective is to avoid drama. The emotionalizing and tears are a virtual hell to experience. Not to mention the yelling! If you're trying to have an adult-discussion with an unreasonable and immature person; you're not left very much choice. You still have to be direct. Don't play stupid games. Cowards get on my nerves. Man-up and have some balls!
If you're hurt or cheated, admit it. If you feel you've been repeatedly mistreated, used, and screwed; wish her well, and break-up. Don't stick around for more abuse. Let her rant and rave. Get a restraining order for crazies and psychos.
Suggest that you have a real discussion about the health of your relationships. If you're given to tears, screaming arguments, tantrums, and whining; you force people to devise a strategy to back-out peacefully. No one likes a big scene, and lot of emotionalizing; or a screaming-match for the neighbors to hear.
Don't trust a man needing space too long. He should have the balls to say what's on his mind. Don't dangle at the end of a string waiting for him to be the one to decide the fate of the relationship. You have equal-right to make that decision.
This isn't just for you, it's a life-lesson for anyone willing to read it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (24 May 2017):
 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We had a 3 month "break" where we still talked a few times a day, but kept it platonic. He did it because his priorities have to be work and university, so our relationship had to give. We've just recently got back together because he realised being apart wasn't working, but we'll still need to give him lots of space.
Tell him you have to text less, if he wants space. If he doesn't change his mind in a couple of months, end it properly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 May 2017):
 Did he say he is swamped with work and can't SEE you in person for a while? OR did he say he needs a BREAK from you?
IF he needs a BREAK from you! Just tell him that you want to give him space and thus will NO LONGER text and that HE shouldn't either as it is CONFUSING to you.
If he just needs a little time where he CAN focus on work, you two can still talk/text.
It's hard to say if he wants to break up, even he isn't a 100% sure or if he is REALLY stressed with work and can't juggle BOTH a GF and work, RIGHT NOW.
The whole notion of needing a "break" from your partner? It's a sign of the relationship not doing well. A person who has SO much going on at work that they feel they can't give enough time to a partner - THAT is another issue.
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