A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I suffered too much being too much emotionally involved in my previous relationship . In simple words, I was too romantic and my ex girl friends and then wife walked over me. Now I have met this this American girl in Dubai and whom I liked but I don't show my emotions at all. I'm Pakistani and working here with some construction company. We have been together for three months. When she says I love you and I just say thank you and don't say love you back to her. Can such relationship work in which one partner controls his love emotion due to fear of losing someone again being too romantic? I have only told her about my divorce but haven't told her about 4 failed relationships before marriage.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (23 July 2013):
 This isnt good. Wiseowl hits solid points. If you need more time to develop feelings becoz u dont feel them naturally thats ok but if u love her n dont say it you will eventually break things off out of fear which in her eyes is vacant n shocking n would lead to a possible disaster of a breakup. Get counseling if u need to or tell her u love her. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): Don't allow someone to tell you that they love you and thank them for it. If you can't return the love, you are only leading them on to eventually be hurt. Your previous relationships failed; because you haven't dealt with your feelings regarding the first failure.
Rather than deal with your issues, you just ignore them and keep bringing women into your life to subject them to your unresolved problems. You haven't recovered from something that is long over. If you can't do it on your own, then you have to seek some form of counseling to deal with it.
It is so highly unlikely that you will do this. So we'll have to find another way to address your current relationship.
Women become emotionally attached a lot quicker than men do.
The problem with that, is that they can easily attach themselves to the wrong man. In this case, you are the wrong man. You can't deal with your fears. There is a 50/50 chance you may get hurt in any relationship. Welcome to life and adulthood.
All relationships are a risk. Walking out the front door is a risk. Doing your construction job is a risk.
This woman is openly expressing her feelings and you're dancing about, and setting her up for heart-break.
I wish I could advise her instead of you. I would tell her to slow down and not get herself too deeply involved. This man doesn't know how to deal with his own feelings; so he will never be able to deal with yours.
You must be totally up-front and honest. If she cares enough to take the risk, so should you. If you do love her,
then tell her so. If you don't, you darn well better be honest before you hurt her; and add one more failed relationship to your past string of failures. The problem is, you go from one relationship to the next; and you have never changed. You only fault the women, and not yourself.
You deal with any person in your life as an individual. You base your feelings toward them on how they treat you. They should be judged on their own merit, and loved for who they are. They should know whether or not they are wasting their time; and should be given the choice to move on to find what they are looking for with someone who has the guts to take the leap of faith.
My hope is that she will figure you out before you hurt her. She isn't responsible for the emotional baggage that you are carrying around. If she's a smart woman, she'll stop telling you she loves you; until you're man enough to say the same.
Stop getting emotionally involved with women, if you can't trust them not to hurt you. Your trust issues and insecurities are the reasons for your failures. Not being a romantic. Stop choosing the type of woman who doesn't respect you.
There are two sides to every story. If you failed on five previous attempts, YOU are the one who it is risky to be with.
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A
male
reader, Makar  +, writes (23 July 2013):
 Well, if you love her, say it and be together. What's the problem? Confessing love makes you more vulnerable? Or she will more likely use and leave you? What's the point?
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