A
female
age
51-59,
*nsatisfied frustrated
writes:My boyfriend of over 1 year now will not satisfy me sexually. I feel like my needs do not matter to him! When I say I still haven't cum yet. Hes like "well what do you want me to do?" Then I tell him to finger me or something. He usually falls asleep. I get very angry, then I cry. I am tired of feeling unsatisfied and sexually frustrated! What makes it even worse, is that he can make me 100% satisfied, but chooses not to. I ask him why and he says that I am putting too much on it and says that we just "did it" making me feel awkward. I don't want to break up with him, but also cannot see a life of being unsatisfied for me. Do you think there is a chance for 'us'?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): Another possibility is for you to masturbate before sex; for some women it makes it easier for them to have a 2nd orgasm and also helps them get ready for intercourse.
Sounds like he loses interest in sex after his orgasm. So you should try to have one first. Or find a different guy.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 He sounds like a selfish lover, you have spoke to him and he still hasn't changed so my thinking would be that he is not going to be, maybe get him to make you orgasm before having sex it might work out better.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (2 October 2017):
You may not be religious...but look at this...
" A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs."
If this is what GOD himself had plan for couples, and it is not being met...Why do you think we run into such issues??? Sticking around is best for you because...?????
Notice the part "satisfy the other's needs."
Here is the scary part...You are not even married yet...Why don't you stick around on until marriage...let's see what happens then.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2017): I am considering this your saying....
' I don't want to break up with him, but also cannot see a life of being unsatisfied for me. Do you think there is a chance for 'us'?'
Yes there is lot of chance for you both, because problem is not that much serious, yet it leave you in most unpleasant condition.
After marriage, our sex life became routine, just as we have lot of routine activity, like....our dinner-lunch-breakfast-our professional activity--etc etc....sex also fall under routine, but true status of sex should be like it is a festive celebration.
Sex must be festival like event, and not daily routine. Your sex life has acquired too much speech, and man is dead after ejaculation, where as in woman there is nothing like ejaculation....which is end point in men only.
You both should develop this common nature of sexual activity and you both can make your festival most most enjoyable. But you or he alone can do nothing. You both need common bondage....right ?
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (1 October 2017):
His an uncaring oaf who leaves you sexually frustrated and then makes you feel bad about yourself. You want to stay with this chsrmer why?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2017): It's very challenging for me to reach orgasm, so I use a vibrator in bed to help get me there. I prefer to do this after foreplay in the middle of sex when excitement is heightened that way I can orgasm first and won't be left unsatiafied later. I suggest you try a similar method of focusing on your pleasure first or using a toy to make climax easier. That being said, I think it is extremely naive of him to think you will continue to allow this behavior indefinitely. He is greedy and unkind. He has no desire to please you. No desire to work for it-- for you. No remorse when he makes you cry. Do you really want to stay with someone so cowardly that he would excuse away your misery everyday for a year and more just to avoid a little work. Imagine how he will excuse away paying bill, changing diapers... and every other issue in the future.. you will be all alone. You will become depressed. And he will just grow in anger and pull further away as day after day he sees your unhappiness growing. I've been with childish greedy men who'd rather run from issues than face the idea something may be wrong... you need to make him fix this or you need to run! I didn't and now I am a single mother and divorced
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (30 September 2017):
Honestly I don't think there is much hope here. You've told him how you feel and how he can fix it and he seems unwilling to do anything about it. His response that you already 'did it' shows you that in his mind, sex begins and ends with his orgasm and yours doesn't matter one iota.
I get that us women can take a bit longer to get there in bed, but I think most men are very willing to do what it takes to do so. Those that won't are selfish and sadly I don't think there's any way to fix a selfish person.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 September 2017):
 I'm surprised at how many people feel an orgasm *must* be had in order to enjoy sex. However, I can understand that it can be a problem if you never orgasm.That said, if you put the added pressure on him to make you orgasm, rather than "just" make you feel good sexually, it may kill the mood for him.So, I suppose it depends on the details here.Does he ever make you orgasm without you telling him to?Do you feel you always need to orgasm to enjoy sex?Do you complain about it often?I think there are three possibilities here:- you put too much pressure on him to make you orgasm, so he just doesn't feel up for more sex (genders swapped, this is very common, like pestering for something sexually)- he is selfish in bed and doesn't care that you are sexually satisfied (I don't mean just orgasms, which you are very focused on, but your overall sexual pleasure)- you're sexually incompatible and it won't lastI think couples' therapy may help, but that depends on whether you feel needing therapy so early on is a bad sign for the future.
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