A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering if this problem is common or if there is another qoman who has learned a way to deal with it.I am terrified to give blowjobs. Not only is the smell and taste horrendous to me, but i begin panicking, shutting down mentally, and going on a sort of autopilot. I do my best to make it a good blowjob, but all i can think about is when it will end. I feel like its something i have to do, or risk disappointing him. Afterwards, i am still a bit shaken. For up to an hour, i shake, gag, cry, and have a general anxiety attack. There are intense feelings of hatred- mostly at myself. I feel like a whore for getting myself in such a position, but i also feel like i am selfish for not doing it for him more often.He doesnt have any hygene problems, and we have tried the flavored condoms, to no avail. I really like to get him off, and he is very good to me in bed and otherwise. He knows i am terrified of it, so he tells me not to do it... but i know he wants it. It kills me to see him so conflicted. I feel like hes missing out, so i do it anyways. Please share any advice or tips. This has kept me up many nights.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (5 August 2013):
Dear OP,
Sometimes it takes all the courage you have to stay true to yourself. And risk disappointing someone. It's only then that you find out how strong their love or friendship really is.
He suggested that you stop giving him blow jobs. Take that offer seriously, rely on it, trust his love. Do other things that he likes and that give him pleasure, but don't force yourself to do something that terrifies you. You don't have to be the perfect lover, no one is. You don't even know if he really misses the blow jobs and if it really matters that much to him, so for now, trust him and stop hurting yourself.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Don't feel bad, OP- just skip the BJs. It's not as if you haven't tried, or have refused on principle, - you tried your best, but... it did not work. I really don't think giving oral is something worthy making yourself sick about, or , worse , getting panic attacks and most of all I don't think that a caring boyfriend would want you to go through what's such an ordeal for you just for his oral satisfaction. Yes, undoubtedly this is a limitation to your sex life - so ? Not everybody does everything- ,sexually. Plenty of people refuse some specific sexual act or position or game because of whichever reason of theirs. Do .. something else - there's life beyond oral sex :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): From original poster:
To the anonymous male: you dont understand. This happens no matter what. There is no partial blowjob. Ive tried and it doesnt lessen the effects. Ive tried having it in my mouth for less than 10 seconds. No difference in how i feel.
To mssadie: we have been together for a long time and we have done full penetration. Your responses were helpful. Thank you all
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): I understand it's not something every woman enjoys doing. You may try giving a little head, but not total completion orally. Give him a few minutes of it and change over using your hand using your saliva and his pre cum as lube. He seems to respect you, if you can't handle it, I'm sure he can accept it as I would if it bothered my lover. On the other hand my girl and I prefer giving each other oral sex over intercourse. She get's multiple orgasms from it and I get off faster than if we had intercourse.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (4 August 2013):
 My advice is stop giving blowjobs. Do you not do full-on penetration with him yet? If you do, how do you feel about that?
Not sure how long and you this dude have been together but if he genuinely loves you for who you are, then he's probably more than willing to swap the pleasure from a blowjob for your well-being. Also, the blowjobs probably aren't that pleasurable for him anyway if he knows that you're struggling through it.
Whether this is trauma related or just from very narrow values with which you've grown up, it's time you talk to a professional (supposing you haven't already). The thing is, despite what we may tell ourselves, when we have severe "quirks" in one part of our lives, it's more than likely that those quirks are showing up in other parts of our lives, too. You're young enough that you ought to put a stop to them now, so that you may live a healthy, happy life and be capable of maintaining healthy, satisfying relationships.
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