A
female
age
30-35,
*issdesign
writes:My husband and I have been together for a year, separated by distance for 2 years and got married after and separated again for months now.As I opened his Facebook account because of the game we played thats why I know his password. I unintentionally saw an unread msg to his facebook. I was shocked to see a message from that OJT to their company which I asked him to keep his distance from her. The chatlogs started to date last August 2012, the exact time when I asked him to stop talking to this girl closely, and He promised me he wont let to have a close relationship to this girl.I browse the message and I was extremely shocked when he actually confessed his feelings to this girl, telling her He has this feelings that she likes her more than a friend. The girl who then still go to college seems busy and dont bother that much. They kept on conversing for like 2 months or so. My fiance then kept on saying hes been lonely bout her forgetting him. I confronted my husband now that I knew this event, as I expected he became defensive and told me he doesnt have any intentions to make a pass on that girl. He also hid it from me to keep me away from being mad. He admit hes guilty of what he did to me. I was hurt but cant help but forgave him but I still cant get over it.Im not certain what to do next for me to be able to move on, I asked him to give me details for what happened before but keep being mad at me bacause I bother too much bout the past. What should I do to move on if I doubt a lot.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 August 2013):
 do you want to move on or do you want to stay married to a man who lies to you and cheats on you and then makes it your fault?
if you want to stay with him you can forgive him but not forget what he did. You will not trust him. and he has to accept that. He needs to know you will have his pin and password for all computer and online events and you will check on him regularly. If he declines this, he's hiding something and he does not wish to be truthful with you. In that case you will never rebuild trust and should consider leaving.
IF you are LDR, you must NOT be LDR soon to make this work...
while you can forgive him, I would NOT forget it and I would watch him very carefully... and I would NOT trust him. he's proven himself to be a liar and a cheater.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): Your post is proof as to why LDR's are difficult relationships. I warn many of my readers. They think it's easy because they think love will endure.
Even if they become actual marriages. The distance is stressful; and everyone is vulnerable to temptation.
People are more likely to cheat in a LDR; because they get lonely, horny, and they don't think they'll ever get caught.
You took a big chance, marrying someone with the knowledge distance will come between you. Your snooping lead you to the truth. I warn people about snooping around into their partner's personal messages.
When you married, you took a great risk from the very start. The odds for his cheating are heavily against you.
Now you torment yourself worrying about what he is doing when you're not there. He defied your request, cheated, hid the deed; and then has the nuggets to be angry with you.
I'm afraid this is the situation you will face as long as you are married to this man. He has proven he can't be trusted, and even if he totally repents; you'll never trust him again.
Time will numb you to his past discretion. Forgetting about it will never happen.
So for now, forgive him, and try to make what's left of your marriage work. He now has the burden of regaining your trust.
As long as he's away, I find it difficult to believe he'll ever be able to make it up to you. Unless he gets a job, where he'll never have to distance himself from you again.
It would be the best thing he could do for your marriage.
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