A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:A little background on me- I'm 23 years old, never have been in a proper relationship. I go to college where it's filled with 90% girls and my part time job is visited by old ladies or just women in general. There are no clubs in my school as they want us to concentrate solely on our major. All in all, I am absolutely starved for male attention sometimes. The only outlet that I get is when we go to dance clubs. I went on a two day trip with my friends and we met up with a few people. One of them we all agreed was really attractive. I started to feel myself get really anxious when I was around him. When he stared at me I quickly turned away. I was very aware if he was right next to me. There were even times when I found myself a little jealous of the attention he was giving to other people sometimes, although I knew not to let it get that far so I had to slap myself out of it. When we finally sat down to talk a little bit, I talked a little fast and changed the subjects too quickly so I think I embarrassed myself and he probably didn't get that great of an impression from me. This doesn't usually happen all the time, only around certain type of boys. This one has a smile that kills me. I think what makes me nervous is also the fact that I have to keep all of these feelings a secret.We were invited to stay at this girl's, who I don't know at all, house. All of the following people, including this cute guy, are people I met for the first time. So I very well couldn't have been nudging him on the shoulder and hitting on him. Also, I am not 100% positive, but the girl we were being housed with might or might not have had a past or current history with him as she seemed to be jealous when he was talking to other girls. He also seems to care for her a lot when I witnessed him making sure she was O.K. when she was intoxicated. Although, I was told she was currently having issues with someone else it's supposedly all really very complicated. I know there are other fish in the sea, but I couldn't help having day dreams where he was my boyfriend. I just start getting carried away with what little information I've had of them. In the past, I wasn't able to sleep for a while week because I was so infatuated with this attractive boy I went on a date with and had a 5 hour conversation with. I am ashamed of this side of myself. I know shouldn't be, but I wish I could hide this better or that I didn't have to act so stupid. I'm 23, not 12. Advice please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of - it just takes time and more experience interacting with males. As you meet more guys you'll become more confident in yourself.If your school does not offer clubs, maybe you could look into joining some in your community. You could start with volunteer work with people around the same age. Perhaps join a fitness club or take lessons in something you're interested in? The idea here is to get you talking to guys so you are more comfortable around them, not that you have to go and meet the man of your dreams right away.Another idea is to approach this a little differently. When you meet guys, don't overthink the situation and automatically screen them as potential suitors. Instead, you could focus on just getting to know them as friends. Maybe this will make it easier for you to be yourself and you don't have to get nervous around them. If there's mutual interest, why keep it a secret? If he's single and you had a great date with him, take the initiative to make plans to see him again.Good luck. :)
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