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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm a young woman, 22, and like the title says, I'm usually the ugliest woman around... at college, at work, at a pub/club... I'm the ugliest one out of my group of friends, to begin with. I KNOW I am ugly, and I usually try not to let it get to me and people seem to like me for who I am. But I can't deny that, as a woman, I wish I was beautiful. I know there are more important things in life, and that I'm lucky that I'm healthy and have no defects. But it still gets to me... it's so irrational.That's the thing. It's a feeling, or an emotion, which seems way stronger and harder to control than the rational thought that being ugly doesn't really matter that much. I think I have to feel that ugliness is not a problem, and not just think that.I just wish I was as pretty as my friends or other girls, because... I don't know... humans just like beauty and women are expected to be beautiful. I really can't put my finger into WHY I want to be beautiful. Sometimes it's a guy issue, but most of the time it isn't... it's not like I want only popular "hot" guys either, I mean, "hot" is relative anyway because my friends always tell me I like ugly guys. The guys I like usually don't have girls pursuing them, they're usually "nerdy types" who nobody likes. But even those "ugly" guys.... they want hot girls.How can I deal with this? There are things I can fix and I'm working on those, but some are unchangeable and those are the ones which make me feel most insecure. I don't know how to accept them or to stop caring. I know I'm smart, but I feel it's not enough. And just seeing a gorgeous woman, whether in real life or on TV makes me feel so gross and pathetic. Like I really never will be enough. And being in a relationship feels so scary because I fear any guy I'm with will always be wanting what he can't have and that I won't make him completely happy, especially because guys watch porn and I look nothing like a porn star! And guys fantasize about those women because they're hot and like secually ideal... I fear I'll never be pleasing enough, that he'll always have to look at someone else to feel satisfied. They have things which I don't like abundant manes and big boobs (even though they're fake.... they look way better than my real, small boobs with big areolae). I'm dead insecure... I don't project it and people like me... but inside... I'm miserable because of my looks, help, please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): From the way you write I would definitely say you're smart, smart enough to know that there is ALWAYS something lovely, pretty, endearing (put any positive adjective here!) about each and every one of us! Take a good long look (and think) about yourself, find your best feature, and then build on that. After a while you will start feeling better about yourself and giving off better 'vibes', and perhaps you should also try some councelling. I had an unattractive friend who's best feature was her eyes, and she made them look amazing with makeup. When talking to her, you couldn't help but look at her beautiful eyes, and in so doing, 'forgot' that maybe she wasn't so pretty! And truly, take the time to sit on a bench and look at the people walking past - the average person is pretty 'ordinary' looking - very few are beautiful or handsome! People like you for you - start learning to like yourself more and who knows what the future will bring, and believe me, most men don't want a beautiful sexpot for a girlfriend!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): Did you know that many "beautiful" women are also very insecure about their looks and their bodies? Did you also know that many beautiful women are afraid that their man only cares about how they look and that, one day, when their beauty fades with age, they fear their man will leave them? It's true.
Be yourself! The right man will come along and feel that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen--and he will believe that in his heart!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): I hardly doubt you are ugly. You just need to find qualities in yourself that you find attractive. Yes, beauty is very important in today's society, but coming from a generally 'attractive' woman I still sometimes feel exactly how you do. Being beautiful will not make you feel any better. Men will still look at porn, and still want 30 year old women when they're in their 60's. NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH TO KEEP A GUY AROUND. BE CONFIDENT. But first look in the mirror, stop putting yourself down, and find what YOU like in yourself! In the end, it's not how others see you, it's how you view yourself.Best of luck~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): Hi there,
there is such a lot of pressure on women (and men) in todays society too look a certain way. We are bombarded every day with images of "ideal" beauty that it sometimes seems like this is the only thing that adds value to us as human beings.
In addition we are told that men are visual creatures, the implication is that it matters more that a women looks pretty to attract a mate, and that her personality or accomplishments come second place to that.
All I can say to you is that I am a 30-year-old single woman and every day I see women who would not be considered as Hollywood beauties in relationships with men that genuinely love them. This gives me hope that there is someone out there who will value me as a person and will be attracted to me regardless that I am not the prettiest woman in the room.
About your breasts... I am an a-cup and used to be bothered by it til I realised that it matters very little to a lot of men what size a woman's breasts are. Men like variety, that is why there is such a variety of porn. If you google it you will find many porn sites dedicated to women with small breasts. In fact, I would say most of the disparaging comments about my breasts have come from women. Women can be quite cruel to each other at times, which comes from insecurity and a need to feel more attractive. So don't worry so much about your body shape, there will always be men who will be attracted to you no matter how big or small your breasts are.
Work on yourself as a person, because no matter what you see in advertising or movies, your value as a human being goes beyond the superficial. Enjoy your life and develop interests and hobbies which make you happy. A man will follow, because men are not as superficial as we are made to believe, and normal woman are not as ugly as we are made to feel.
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