A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in my early 20's. I have been with my bf for 4 years. I am not in love with him. When he tries to kiss me, I feel discusted. He is very lazy, he won't help me clean or anything. If I ask him he gets mad. He is very selfish. He will hit me if he doesn't get his way. The only reason I am with him is because I am stuck right now because of financial issues, but I really want to leave him. He treats me so badly. He calls me names all the time. He lies to me a lot too. I like a mutual friend of ours, who I met throuh my bf. He hasn't had a gf in like 10 yrs. he's really shy when it comes to women. He and I get along really well, we have a lot of the same ideas and views on life. If I don't see him for a month or so, I really miss him. We've been friends for 4 years. I didn't always have feelings for him. It started because I realized how much I like being around him and how much better of a person he is than my bf. The only thing is that I don't think he would do anything with me because of the fact that I am with my bf (he has morals) I really do think he likes me though. If we're at a party, we always hang out almost the whole time together. I really want to tell him how I feel and to try and get something started between us..he isn't necessarily close with my bf, they just share the same circle of friends. I just do not know what to do. Thanks.
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female
reader, gaelicgurl2479 +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Uh, from experience, if he hits you its not worth it at all. Plain and simple end of story.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Kat
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Get out! The stupid vehicle is not worth it. Coming from experience.....If you leave and have nothing at least you have yourself and your dignity. Don't cheat that will make an abuser think they have more reason to hurt you. He will find out eventually. Just get out. Start over if you have to. Move on. If you don't have family, go to a shelter, if you don't have money get a job if you're scared GET COUNCELING! They have free counceling for women in that situation. Contact your local Womens Resource Center they will even help you find a place to stay and a job. They usually have clothes to give out if you don't have the right attire to wear for job interviews. To change the situation you have to physically change your situation. I think you should take a break from men until you figure out yourself. If you don't all the future relationships will not last. Work on some codependent issues and self worth/self esteem with a counceler.
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A
female
reader, little miss fix it  +, writes (5 October 2007):
Hi there is there anyone you could stay in the meantime?Your boyfriend sounds like a nasty piece of work,these guys do not change once a bully always a bully.You need to try sort out your fiancial situation asap and get out of there no one should have to put up with abuse of any kind.I know ive been there myself,this guy uve been friends with for a while probably wont want to get to close if hes also friends with your boyfriend,he probably knows it will cause trouble especially for you,maybe once your away from your boyfriend you could spend more time together with your friend.Financial reasons or not you need to get away from this bully.Try to get things sorted and turn to family and close friends for support ul feel so much better when your out of this awful situation trust me.lots of luv and hugs x x x x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): It's not that easy. No I do not have anyone I can stay with. The reason I have to stay with him is because my vehicle is in his name, which he manipulated me into agreeing to this my guess is so that he could trap me. I knew it wasn't a good idea doing this, I don't know why I did it. I guess because at the time, things weren't as bad as they have been lately. And I can't get it switched in my name because there is a loan on it still, it is fairly new. I know what you mean by saying I need to be alone before thinking about being with someone else, but I know this other guy could help me out of this situation and that isn't the reason I like him. I also know he is lonely after being alone for 10 years, and I just see good things for us both if we were to get together. He does know I am unhappy with my boyfriend, but I didn't go into detail with him about it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not talking about drugs or anything of that sort. I sense some dependency behaviors you have. Do you feel at all that you have to be in a relationship? Your not even out of an abnormal relationship with an abuser and you're all ready seeking possible affection from another.
You don't deserve to get hit by this person. No one deserves to go through this abuse. You need to get out of the situation you're in, financial issues or not. Never make an excuse to stay in a home with this type of person. If there's a friend, or relative you can crash with for a while, take it. You also have an option of staying at a safe house. There number is in the phone book and I believe just about every city, big or small has one.
When your in a situation like this, you get out of there and then decide what you're going to do next.
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