A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in an unhappy marriage from which I got divorced over a year ago. It was a decision that took a lot of thinking about at the time but i knew that it was the right thing to do in the long run in order to one day find some happiness. I held no bitterness or bad feeling towards my ex wife and although we have no contact anymore i don't miss being with her and think about her very little nowadays. Straight after my divorce however i fell into a rebound relationship that was short lived - exciting and based on all the wrong things a relationship should be. It ended very abruptly leaving me feeling shell shocked and quite resentful towards this girl for a long time afterwards. I knew i was in no state to form a relationship and looking back it was no wonder it failed but i still feel a little bitter about the way she treated me. It did however make me pull myself and my life back in - in order that i could lick my wounds, breath and grieve and come to terms with starting a new life by myself again, build up my self esteem and confidence which had hit rock bottom through the turmoil of my divorce and events afterwards.. I have been through all the scary thoughts, the panic, sadness, pity etc etc however, after throwing myself into work (which i enjoy) i have found that i have become isolated and lonely in my social life and stuck in a rut. I have lots of friends at work who i get on great with (at work) but they are either married or have other commitments meaning they are unavailable to meet up socially. I lost a lot of friends when i split up with my wife and my main friends all live a long way from me now. I have become stuck in a routine of solitude at the weekends and in the evenings and cant seem to find a way to break out of it. Now I am single i have big living expenses meaning that i cant afford to go out too often or join any club that catches my eye in order to try it out. I am really ready to move on from the past and climb out of this rut but have no idea how to do this in my situation.. Does anyone have any tips? I am not depressed anymore and am full of beans and ready to meet people again.. The question is how do i do that?
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at work, confidence, depressed, divorce, ex-wife, move on, my ex, self esteem, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Have a complete change of environment. Rent your house out, move to another country, do a job that you've never done before. Complete personal re-invention.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I would definitely volunteer - you sound like you have lots to give and volunteering regularly with an organisation that looks after its volunteers is a great idea and very sociable. The other benefit is that although you love your job the kind of skills and experience that you get volunteering is completely different. I was unemployed for 9 months, in my mid thirties and pretty isolated too with no money - I volunteered with the Princes Trust who are incredibly professional and offer their volunteers training. I was a mentor (even at a time when I felt like I needed support helping others helped me) I met lots of people, ran a training course and felt like I had a whole new group of friends almost instantly. Of course the other thing was it was completely free and everyone I met was positive, enthusiastic and motivated - something you really need when you feel isolated. Find a charity or group you love the sound of and try it - you have nothing to lose.
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