A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I went on a date with this guy, I thought it went really well, he initially suggested meeting up again, and then later when I said we should watch a movie sometime, he seemed keen, he then suggested we go back to mine. But then we hooked up and he hugged me after then abruptly left. I didn’t read into it too much. A couple of days later I sent him a message saying “Hey, was fun hanging out, lets do it again sometime”, he responded a day later with “Hey, on the way home that night I felt uncomfortable. I don’t think we should do it again, sorry.” He is German so I thought maybe some translation error, or strange wording. But in case I had done something to offend him, I said “Ok, thanks for your honesty. Just so I know with future guy: was there something I did/said that made you feel bad or uncomfortable? Or was it just a case of not feeling a connection”, he responded “ I didn’t feel the connection. You didn’t say or do anything that made me feel bad. I rather think you are a cool and sympathetic guy.” Now I know this will never go anywhere not even a friendship, but should I be concerned about him saying he felt “uncomfortable”, its like I raped him or something, very odd. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2013): Don't add more meaning than he explained. Perhaps he just isn't ready for sex, or he just recently ended a relationship.
He may have gone out a few times to be polite; but didn't really want to. Don't make anything of it.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 I think you're reading too much into it.
I can only speak as a woman who dates men but there have been times when I did more with someone "in the moment" than I might originally have planned to. My guess is he got carried away and then later, when he was alone and had time to reflect on it, decided it's not really in his nature to go that far with someone he'd just met.
In other words I'm guessing the prospect of a casual sexual relationship is what he was "uncomfortable" with. NSA sex can be great under the right circumstances but most people don't like to actively consider themselves someone who'd sleep with a stranger.
You don't need to change anything about yourself. Just be up front with future partners if a quick hookup is all you are looking for, and if it's a serious relationship you're after, maybe don't get physical quite so quickly.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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