A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have known my current boyfriend for over 14 years. During the time we have known each other we have both been married twice and divorced twice. He has 3 children and I had two children - one died. I am due to marry this man in October and love him to bits. The problem is that I still want another child and he has made it very clear that he does not want any more children. His reasons are that he would be in his 60's when the child was 20, he is too tired, he doesn't want to share me and just wants time for himself.( all very valid reasons). The problem is because one of my children died and I know that I can't replace her but I want another child. I have told him that it makes me feel as if i am not as good or that he doesn't love me as much as his previous wives and he says its rubbish and if we were ten years younger then we would have kids together. This doesn't help me about the situation at all. The man invariably treats me exceedingly well, never raises his voice, is calm and logical but this is so important to me with it being my last chance biologically speaking. I am now beginning to harbour dislike and resentment towards him. He says that I must accept that in life there are some things that you just can't have but I don't think like that. I have had this conversation with him a million times and he never waivers but it is upsetting me and I have now taken to avoiding him on the phone and seeing him because I am so upset by it all. When we have sex he will not ejaculate in me or come anywhere near me so i have stopped having sex with him as it is just annoying me so much. I know this sounds really childish - I am 42 but the situation is driving me mad. I do love him but am now thinking I should look elsewhere since he is so final.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Why forcing the man for more kids good grace man He has three children already. I aggree with him why have next child in this stage of life what about the financial aspect of bringing up a child. If get three kids when i am in my twenties and thirties, why need more when in my forties and fifties. The man need rest and enjoy life when you are in your forties and fifties.When I am 55 I don`t have 15 year old child that I have look after to see that the child have good behaviour and I already have three children when I am much younger. When which that age you to start to look after your health problem that come with age not next child at that age
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): As you say this guy treats you well and has been very up front and honest with you so i am assuming that he has made his feelings regarding children clear from the beginning.as you will have a large and somewhat extended family is that not enough?I agree that to have children in your forties is a serious issue but that age alone should not dictate this choice, i would not want to be an aged parent myself.There are many considerations, among them the opinion or reaction of the existing children.It sounds like you are considering a relationship with another person just to get the child you want, so you should consider the whole scenario, is this guy just a biologically capable male or do you really have feelings for him as an individual.good luck with the conundrum.
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