A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am forced to stay home with my three kids, my controling husband wants more children (I don't!), I feel so unhappy, but am financially trapped! What can I do?
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female
reader, stina +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
Does your husband know how unhappy you are? If so, what are his feelings about all of this? Is he willing to try and compromise more instead of try to be the head of the household? That's something that should be shared - all of the decisions should not be made by one of you. Are you sure that you aren't attacking him when you're voicing your opinion? Do you make sure to convey your feelings without focusing the argument/discussion on him? I mean, have you said "I feel overworked because there are so many things to do around the house" as opposed to "you never get off your lazy butt to help me!" One is solely takling about your feelings while the other is pinning a blame on your husband. He might just get angry and focus on defending himself rather than try to solve a problem if this is what typically happens, you know?
Have you two considered going to marriage counseling? If he is unwilling to go, perhaps you can at least seek counseling on your own. I know that you have three kids, so maybe a friend or family member can watch them while you're at you appointment? Or even if a babysitter comes over for a couple of hours a few times a week that could help you schedule in some doctor appointments.
As for the job side of things, some of the other aunts have had good ideas about working from home. Have you considered doing anything like this before? You would get to make your own hours and work when it's convenient. I'd like to suggest a company, actually (I don't work for them, but I do buy their products because they're very good). It's called Arbonne. You can sell the products on eBay (many companies don't allow their reps to sell online, but Arbonne does) and start earning some money at home. (http://www.arbonne.com/) You could see if there is a representative in your area and schedule an appointment to get an overview of everything and see if this sort of thing works for you.
I also know that sometimes places hire people outside of their company to do bookkeeping. One woman I know was a stay at home mom of three and she did the bookkeeping for a local Subway restaurant. She only worked for them part time, but it gave her a good income. Maybe you'd want to see if anyone in your area is hiring for a position like this.
But like I said, I strongly suggest couples counseling and if he is unwilling to go then go by yourself. Have you considered getting separated? If you have friends or family in the area that have some spare space for a while it could help to clear your head and then address issues with your husband. You've not said he's been violent - if he has then that is totally different and you need to get you and your children out of that house as soon as possible. Please let us know if he is so we can help out from this angle, as well.
Take care.
PS - Don't let him talk you into having more children. You are not in the right state of mind, first of all, and second of all you don't even want more. It seems like he has to learn to respect you and your decisions more. This should be addressed in counseling!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Firstly don't let your controlling husband force you to have more children when you don't want to. Secondly have you got a job? I assume not so get yourself a job and plan to leave your controlling husband.
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A
female
reader, Shanny  +, writes (12 March 2007):
is terrible being financially trapped, you should firstly speak to your husband about how you are feeling (face to face or in a letter). It sounds like you need time for yourself to be you again (as opose to mummy and wife) Depending on the age of your children you should try to see whether you can get them into a playgroup (not sure whether they have any voluntary ones) or even see whether a family member / friend can look after your children once a week or so, so that you can get out of the house and be you again. Maybe do some voluntary work, so that you can meet others. You could also search on the internet for home jobs and start to raise cash to pamper yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): You can get yourself a work from home jobs, but then you need a computer and access to the internet. You can also do something creative like painting, or making sandwiches, pies, where you can get someone to deliver to the shops. There are ways of bringing extra income working from home.
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A
male
reader, metherline  +, writes (12 March 2007):
Iam sorry this happening to you, however you have told us only the fact that your husband is controlling, not any thing else. try to deny him sex for a week as you test his weakness, then if he falls in your trap, talk to him aobut the way you feel, dont fear him, he is your husband, i will be willing to help with more advice if this step is accomplished.
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