A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 32 male, married and love my wife to bits. she's also 32. since We fell in love nearly a decade ago we have been together all the time spending both quantity and quality time together. I have never ever, even once looked at any other woman with any interest at all. It has always been my wife. But lately I have found myself in deep pain. My wife and I live with her Older sister. She is divorced about 2 years now with a lovely daughter 13. The sister is 37, slim ordinary figure. My wife is more beautiful in most respects, but recently I have developed very strong feelings for her. I know I am not in love with her. I know what it takes to say that. I know its all deep lustful infatuation but it is interrupting almost all aspect of my life. My work, my spare time all is devoted to thinking about her. I hate it, I cant control my urges to think and wonder about how fond and attracted I am to her. Please help me get over her. It does not help we live together, but that will not change until maybe a year from now when my wife and I can afford to get a place of our own. SO right now I am stuck living with a person who I am deeply infatuated with. She is very sweet to me, but i know she looks at me as a brother. PLease help
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male
reader, Hopefully helpful +, writes (7 August 2009):
Dangerous dangerous territory my friend! I went through this earlier this year. I too am married to the younger sister and was very attracted to the older sister. My wife is five years younger than I am and her sister is two years younger. My wife is drop dead gorgeous and really way better looking than her sister. But one thing her sister has on her is her sister has a much better chest. Me being a boob guy, I feel bad for even comparing, but can't help it when they walk around with no bra under their shirts. My sister in law has a nice athletic frame and big boobs. It's frustrating.Anyway, my sister in law is single and very fun and flirty. We got to be really close friends and hung out a bit. It didn't take long for me to figur out that she was attracted to me too. That's when "harmless" flirting got to be not so harmless flirting and it wasn't long before we started having those long hugs and those moments on the couch watching tv when your hands kinda bump next to each other and you don't move them. It never went physically further than that but it never should have even started with the flirting. I grew very attached and got to where the text messages made me feel really good and I didn't want to erase them. Well then my wife found them and it tore her up. It was a huge reality check to see her in so much pain. It was a quick rush back to my senses and how much I love her. It was also a wake up call to my wife that she had been denying me that flirty attention her sister was giving. My wife realized that she wasn't as close to me as she needed to be and I realized that I had been getting high off new attention instead of giving it back to her where it belongs.I know this is very hard. You are around her a lot. She is beautiful and it sounds like my situation where she is giving you feelings that your wife used to. Now here is your challenge: talk to your wife about your feelings. You guys are partners and it will hurt her. But to let this go on will lead to certain destruction of not only your marriage but your trust and your family. As the husband you are called to be a leader of the family and this is what you have to do. NOW!Find another family member, a friend, parent, a different in law, anyone! And get out of there asap! I know how easy it is to say oh it's nothing. Oh I can't get a way just yet. There is always a way if you really want to make this right. Right now you just can't let go of having her around.It will hurt for awhile. I'd be a liar to say I am not still attracted to my SOS in law. But it will fade. I don't talk to her unless around the whole family and we certainly aren't ever alone together anymore. It will fade. And remember the grass always seems greener onthe other side. Now that my feelings for my sis in law have settle more, I am starting to see that she really wasn't a very good person and despite my physical attraction to her, she definitely wouldn't have made me as happy as my wife does.Sincerely hope this helps!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Hello,I just want to say I totally understand where you are coming from. I am not only infatuated with my BIL but in love with him and the only way I can keep myself in control is having those temptations away from me which means staying away from him as much as I can or if we are together make sure we are not alone.Another thing that helped me be in control of my actions was telling my husband the truth. He is so understanding but now that he knows it's a lot easier for me to keep my distance with my BIL. This is very hard to do but it works for me, maybe it will work for you too.However the only good solution I see here from my own experience is to distance yourself from her and you can only do that moving away.Hope you can find a solution.Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): anyone can afford to live by themselves. it may not be the nicest place but it is doable. Im a full time student who is on welfare and if I CAN LIVE BY MYSELF you and your wife can stop living with your sister in law.Atop making excuses and get out of her house
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Men really are pigs... Sigh... Then perhaps avoiding her will be my best bet then. I plan to make no actions towards my sister in law. While i am infatuated with her, i take no delight in this urge. Sometimes i wish i had a switch to turn emotions off when i like. No i donot want to marry her either as was mentioned earlier. I want to get over her. Pls suggest aside from just trying to avoid her.,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): well if you can't move then you need to make certain that you have very little contact with her and please don't be stupid enough to try something with her.
you just have to suck it in and bear it, and hope and pray your wife doesn't find out.
if she does it just won't be pinching and saving....you will be doing this ALONE.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Like i said i will not afford to move out in a while. I am already pinching and saving and working over time. So you can see my dilema.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Are you sure that even if you pinch pennies you can't afford to get your own place? Moving out is really the only thing I can think of that will help you get over this crush. Good man for not acting on this infatuation. If you absolutely can't move out then all you can do is suffer in silence until you find the crush has faded. But really if it takes a second job, I'd try to move out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): I am thinking about my wife. That's why I am asking for advice here. I do not need judgemental remarks at all. I need a plan of action. Thinking alone does not seem to help as it gets me nowhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): hello...first of all u r not a sincere person...if u attracted to ur sister in law..and suppose u get married with her...after 2 yrs u will get attracted to another girl...i think u need to think abt ur wife...what if ur wife knows abt u and ur thoughts...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): I have thought about just trying to avoid her and maybe stop conversing with her. But I fear It might get fishy if I start doing that. She has never done anything disgusting to me and has always been very sweet to me in the most appropriate way. This is all me, my issue. Please help.
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A
female
reader, Having Problems???  +, writes (13 April 2009):
ok STOP! its a middle age thing (kind of) sumtimes its best 2 get it out of your system but in this case. u need 2reli start thinking about your wife more. if and when you think about your SISTER in law picture her doing something really disgusting or picture her looking really ugly like adding a beard or something. if you concentrate hard enough you'll snap out of it sooner or later. good luck
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